IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff all the time including holidays. Do you think the advantages of this are more than its disadvantages?

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Many employers want to talk with their employees at their convenience at any point in time. Some people think that it is beneficial for the company's growth
while
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 some feel the opposite of
this
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, they believe that it is interfering with the personal space of staff members. I do not think the pros and cons outweigh each other.
Thus
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, I would like to take a middle view in the upcoming paragraphs. Considering the meritorious aspect, when workers are contacted, they indulge more in their work which results in more responsibility and a feeling of being respected
consequently
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, they stay more committed to their work. Apart from that, it even is beneficial for a firm in terms of emergency situations.
Such
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 as failure in a task. There is an availability for them to be a better service provider in their respective field. To give
example
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an example
the example
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 of reliance industries, employees are allotted a personal handset in order to answer emergency calls from their leaders.
Hence
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, it not only is for a business but
also
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 for the
overall
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 growth of a worker.
Nonetheless
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, drawbacks of
this
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 approach,
due to
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 the continuous interruptions from the workplace, an individual is more likely to imbalance their family ties. Tacitly, a person works for the sole purpose of earning so that one can be at serenity with their loved ones.
Therefore
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, not maintaining a social life can put a person under stress leading to less productivity at their workplace as well. Many times, staff resign by understanding
such
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 kind of work culture as they feel utilized and harassed by their head department authorities.
For instance
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, an aggregate possession of a worker in essay industries is solely a couple of years since the tiring
works
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work
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 even after working hours is ruining their personal lives.
To conclude
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, only when there is a real need for staff assistance should a business owner approach their servant.
Otherwise
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, it may lead to disruption of one’s personal life. Ergo, I opine that merits are as same as demerits.

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task response
In your introduction, clearly state your position. You mentioned that you do not think the pros and cons outweigh each other, but try to be more explicit in presenting your middle-ground stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and flows naturally to the next. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be improved for better coherence.
task response
Your arguments are generally clear, but consider expanding on each point with more detailed explanations or examples to illustrate your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is overall logical, some sentences were overly long or complex, which affected readability. Try to simplify your sentence structures for clearer communication.
task response
You provided relevant examples, such as the one about Reliance Industries, which illustrated your points well.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and ties back to the introduction neatly.
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