Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both opinion and give your own opinion.
A group of individuals present a view that competitiveness has benefits in
one
’s life
, whereas
others
believe that collaboration
with others
is more beneficial. I strongly agree with the latter opinion.
On the one
hand, some people justifiably argue that collaboration
with others
at work, at school or in daily life
gives people an opportunity to learn more. Humans are inherently social species and we need each other in various aspects of life
. As we cooperate more with each other we can learn more things that help us to have a better life
and be more successful. Furthermore
, competition can take a lot of time
as one
wants to do everything in his own way, indeed collaborating can help us to manage our time
more properly which results in extra time
for other activities too.
On the other hand
, another group of people claim that competing can bring more success and more achievement in life
. They insist that being in competition makes one
work harder and working hard can bring more success. They cite entrepreneurs and companies such
as Elon Musk and SpaceX who have dedicated their lives to compete fiercely in the business market and become the top one
. However
, I do not find the argument convincing as life
is not solely about competition and monumental financial success. Mental health and a fulfilling life
stem from stress-free environments and ample time
for family and leisure which can be achieved through collaboration
.
To conclude
, in my view, collaboration
has numerous benefits for a person as you can learn many things from others
and have sufficient time
for your family and leisure. Moreover
, stressful competitive environments can harm our mental health.Submitted by keyhan.mp on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task requirements and provides a comprehensive response. However, try to include more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, there are a few places where the expression could be more precise to enhance clarity. Revising sentences for better fluidity and ensuring each point is elaborated would improve this aspect.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using more linking words and phrases for better flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion. To further improve, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by detailed arguments and a concluding sentence to wrap up each point.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction that sets up the discussion effectively, and your conclusion summarizes your position well.
logical structure
Your essay displays a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are adequately supported. Focusing on providing more specific evidence will strengthen your arguments.
complete response
You have addressed the task requirements comprehensively, discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.