IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that employers should focus on the personal qualities of potential job seekers instead of their academic qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

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Some people point out that employers ought to put emphasis on the personal attributes of prospective
job
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 candidates rather than their academic credentials and
experience
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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 view and believe that academic qualifications and
experience
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 suggest that the candidates have
job
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-specific
skills
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 and
knowledge
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. Academic qualifications refer to the evidence that a
candidate
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 has
knowledge
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 and competence in a particular field of study.
This
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 means that the
job
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 seeker has attained a foundational comprehension of the subject matter, and has acquired necessary
skills
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 through assignments, coursework and exams.
This
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 suggests that the individual possesses the
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 to perform well in the role. A software development firm seeking to appoint a programmer,
for instance
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, may put more focus on a
job
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 applicant with a computer science degree. The degree demonstrates the fact that the
candidate
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 has acquired a certain level of programming languages, algorithms and competencies required for the
job
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.
Likewise
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, individuals gain
experience
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 through internships, and part-time or full-time jobs, allowing them to apply their academic
knowledge
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 in real-world settings. People, in fact, develop practical competencies, problem-solving
skills
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 and a comprehension of workplace dynamics through
experience
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.
Therefore
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, an experienced
candidate
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 has more practical ability,
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 than his counterparts.
For example
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, in the field of software development, a company recruiting developers may prioritize
job
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 applicants who possess relevant coding
experience
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. The
experience
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 indicates their practical
knowledge
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 of how to carry out coding projects. In conclusion, I believe that academic credentials and practical
experience
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 are important when it comes to hiring a
candidate
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 for a
job
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 because academic qualifications prove that the candidates have a certain level of
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 pertinent to the
job
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,
while
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experience
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 showcases their ability to apply theoretical
knowledge
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 in real-world settings.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more explicitly. For instance, when transitioning between paragraphs, a summary of the previous point could enhance clarity.
task achievement
Consider providing a counterargument to strengthen your position. Acknowledging opposing views can add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear, and your stance on the topic is well-articulated, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples in the body paragraphs effectively illustrates your points and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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