Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
We live in a world with growing contrast between countries in terms of wealth and
acces
to welfare. Correct your spelling
access
Hence
, the treatment of severe illness is polarising depending of
the region you live in. If you are lucky to have a good health system, the probability of dying from or even suffering certain diseases Change preposition
on
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
minimun
. Correct your spelling
minimal
By contrast
, living in an undeveloped nation does not allow you to have the required treatments, is this
fair for them?
It is clear that
advances and new discoveries in medicine and the farmaceutical
industry come at a high cost. Correct your spelling
pharmaceutical
Therefore
for the system to continue to work and progress, it is necessary to have a considerable amount of benefits, as a lot of people depend on this
to make their living.
However
, do the benefits have to apply equally among all kind
of diseasesFix the agreement mistake
kinds
?.
Most people would agree that medicines for benign conditions, Change the punctuation
?
such
as acne, might be charged with less
implications than other severe diseases. In my own personal experience as an Change the quantifier
fewer
orthopedic
surgeon, we can see how implants are minimally redesigned to justify the high costs the companies charge and the older ones are discontinued. I believe that, as a gesture of solidarity, they could keep on the production of the older models Change the spelling
orthopaedic
although
companies would have lower benefits.
To conclude
, I firmly believe that there could be much more fairness and equaility
in the distribution of healthcare around the world. After all, we do not choose where we are born and it is sad that some people have to die just because of mere luck.Correct your spelling
equality
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task achievement
Try to be more specific when providing examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific diseases or countries could make your points clearer and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are coherent and flow logically from one point to the next. Sometimes, connecting sentences more effectively can enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical and punctuation errors. This can help to increase clarity and improve the overall quality of the writing.
task achievement
Your introduction sets up the issue clearly and engages the reader by contrasting different regions' access to healthcare.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion aptly summarizes your stance on the issue and ties back to the introductory statement, creating a cohesive structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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