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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

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In present days, many educationalists believe that primary
school
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 students should start learning a second
language
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,
instead
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 of beginning to learn foreign languages in secondary
school
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.
While
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 there are many benefits and drawbacks to
this
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 argument, I believe that the positive effects have outweighed the negative effects. There are many benefits to learning a second
language
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 in primary
school
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. First and foremost, children can obtain knowledge more easily at a younger age.
This
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 is because kids’ brains tend to absorb information at a faster speed compared to their older counterparts.
Moreover
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, at
this
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 period, their brains have not formed any learning patterns,
thus
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 they will not struggle to attain new information and can remember new information with ease.
Hence
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, elementary
school
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 kids can achieve a higher level of proficiency.
This
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 would
also
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 help students in the future, as the labour market is becoming more competitive, proficiency in foreign languages would set candidates apart from their peers, gaining them advantages when applying for a job and negotiating salary.
On the other hand
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, learning a second
language
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 at a young age may not bring about mastery.
This
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 is because
while
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 in elementary
school
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, students are still learning how to utilize their mother tongue properly,
thus
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 studying another
language
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 would disrupt their thinking patterns, and sometimes cause the temporary loss of lexical resource.
For example
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, English learners tend to mix English words into their conversation
while
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 communicating with others in their mother tongue.
Additionally
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,
this
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 phenomenon could lead to the loss of national identities and make children forget their heritage. In conclusion, I believe that
while
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 it is advantageous for primary
school
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 kids to learn another
language
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, as they can achieve a higher level of mastery and be well-prepared for their future, they should not study complex grammar structures and advanced vocabulary, and should only focus on learning basic words and forming simple sentences.

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Task Response
Include more specific examples to support your points, especially regarding how learning a second language early can benefit children in their personal and professional lives.
Task Response
Consider providing a more balanced discussion by elaborating further on the potential disadvantages of learning a language early and how they might be mitigated.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance logical structure, clearly link back each point to the main thesis, ensuring every paragraph contributes to the overarching argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main points are supported with logical reasoning and relevant elaborations, contributing positively to task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The progression of ideas is smooth, and paragraphing is effectively used to guide the reader through the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
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