Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, there has been a growing debate about
job
Use synonyms
opportunities, especially among the new generation of undergraduates. Some believe that choosing a
job
Use synonyms
based on their motivation offers several benefits,
while
Linking Words
others argue that it is rather about the standard of living. In my opinion, I strongly believe that following your passion potentially provides numerous advantages for both professional achievement and happiness. To commence, there are a myriad of benefits to choosing a passionate position. The primary reason is that it motivates individuals to produce more work, increasing productivity which leads to more task achievements.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
choice could contribute to personal growth and career development
due to
Linking Words
more
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, working in a passionate role would offer personal happiness, which gives rise to
job
Use synonyms
sustainability, and remaining in a profession for a longer
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was an interview with a person who works as a software engineer at Google, who needs to develop code in front of a computer daily without people interaction.
Such
Linking Words
an individual can develop several programs over
time
Use synonyms
, coding without any break and creating several ideas
due to
Linking Words
his passion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, financial stability plays a vital role in
job
Use synonyms
decision-making for everyone.
This
Linking Words
can be challenging for diverse people to decide between their motivation or a high-salary position that might not be enjoyable, and many opt for a second choice since they might have various considerations, particularly financial security and family necessities.
As well as
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, work-life balance is another crucial factor.
In other words
Linking Words
, some people might opt for a position
that is
Linking Words
not their passion but offers more free
time
Use synonyms
after working hours, leading to more
time
Use synonyms
spent on their genuine hobbies or family.  In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
some may opine that choosing a high-income
job
Use synonyms
could provide several benefits
such
Linking Words
as better financial needs and work-life balance, I firmly concur that pursuing a motivational
job
Use synonyms
potentially promotes several aspects, including productivity,
job
Use synonyms
longevity, and, of course, happiness in life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Incorporate more examples, especially specific instances or statistics, to better illustrate your points and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Reduce minor grammatical errors and restructure a few sentences to enhance readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a very clear and organized logical structure, with each paragraph having a distinct purpose.
coherence cohesion
The inclusion of a conclusion effectively summarizes the argument, which reinforces the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well supported and linked back to the thesis statement, maintaining a focused discussion throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear, well-supported personal opinion.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are clear and comprehensive, showcasing a robust understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: