Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

These days, there has been a growing debate about
job
opportunities, especially among the new generation of undergraduates. Some believe that choosing a
job
based on their motivation offers several benefits,
while
others argue that it is rather about the standard of living. In my opinion, I strongly believe that following your passion potentially provides numerous advantages for both professional achievement and happiness. To commence, there are a myriad of benefits to choosing a passionate position. The primary reason is that it motivates individuals to produce more work, increasing productivity which leads to more task achievements.
Moreover
,
this
choice could contribute to personal growth and career development
due to
more
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
.
Finally
, working in a passionate role would offer personal happiness, which gives rise to
job
sustainability, and remaining in a profession for a longer
time
.
For instance
, there was an interview with a person who works as a software engineer at Google, who needs to develop code in front of a computer daily without people interaction.
Such
an individual can develop several programs over
time
, coding without any break and creating several ideas
due to
his passion.
On the other hand
, financial stability plays a vital role in
job
decision-making for everyone.
This
can be challenging for diverse people to decide between their motivation or a high-salary position that might not be enjoyable, and many opt for a second choice since they might have various considerations, particularly financial security and family necessities.
As well as
this
, work-life balance is another crucial factor.
In other words
, some people might opt for a position
that is
not their passion but offers more free
time
after working hours, leading to more
time
spent on their genuine hobbies or family.  In conclusion,
although
some may opine that choosing a high-income
job
could provide several benefits
such
as better financial needs and work-life balance, I firmly concur that pursuing a motivational
job
potentially promotes several aspects, including productivity,
job
longevity, and, of course, happiness in life.
Submitted by title848 on

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task achievement
Incorporate more examples, especially specific instances or statistics, to better illustrate your points and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Reduce minor grammatical errors and restructure a few sentences to enhance readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a very clear and organized logical structure, with each paragraph having a distinct purpose.
coherence cohesion
The inclusion of a conclusion effectively summarizes the argument, which reinforces the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well supported and linked back to the thesis statement, maintaining a focused discussion throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear, well-supported personal opinion.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are clear and comprehensive, showcasing a robust understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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