It is better for students to live away from home while studying at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a strong argument that moving away from
parents
while
getting a university degree can be more beneficial than living with them. While
some people
believe that it can cause several detrimental consequences, an immense number of individuals do not agree with this
statement. From my perspective, I agree with this
statement and my inclination is articulated in the ensuing paragraphs.
There is a myriad of benefits when it comes to living away from parents
. Firstly
, pupils might not need to take responsibilities
for domestic jobs, because their Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
parents
can already fulfil for them. It can be conducive to learning the hardest part of life. Hence
, they can feel more like an adult while
they are doing these jobs, so
Correct word choice
apply
it
can lead Correct pronoun usage
which
students
to accomplish their goals with the same attitude. For example
, pupils who are responsible for their house jobs can pass the exams easier than other people
, because they might be more aware of their liabilities, and this
awareness can help to achieve their highest results when they prepare for their exams. As a result
, living independently can help people
to have more liabilities, and learn how to live by themselves.
In addition
, most learners might be striving to keep their financial situations in balance. It can be tough when people
are not living independently. However
, when students
move to different areas from their families, they can enhance their independent skills much easier , such
as managing their budgets. For instance
, when their parents
send some money for them to pay their necessaries. Therefore
, they can not squander this
money, and they ought to divide their budgets into different categories such
as bills, and social activities. Consequently
, keeping a budget while
studying at university can affect students
' lives, if they live independently.
In conclusion, nowadays, although
some people
think that moving to other places, which are far away from their parents
, can bring some benefits to pupils' university lives, others do not agree with it. In my opinion, I totally agree that living independently can have positive influences on students
, such
as managing their financial situations,
and being more aware of their responsibilities.Remove the comma
apply
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task achievement
While the essay covers the topic well and presents a clear stance, there is some repetition in the points made. Try to introduce fresh ideas rather than reiterating similar ones.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt and may cause confusion for the reader.
task achievement
Improve the variety and depth of examples used to support the points. While the examples currently provided are relevant, they could be more varied to illustrate the benefits more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.