It is better for students to live away from home while studying at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a strong argument that moving away from
parents
Use synonyms
while
getting a university degree can be more beneficial than living with them. Linking Words
While
some Linking Words
people
believe that it can cause several detrimental consequences, an immense number of individuals do not agree with Use synonyms
this
statement. From my perspective, I agree with Linking Words
this
statement and my inclination is articulated in the ensuing paragraphs.
There is a myriad of benefits when it comes to living away from Linking Words
parents
. Use synonyms
Firstly
, pupils might not need to take Linking Words
responsibilities
for domestic jobs, because their Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
parents
can already fulfil for them. It can be conducive to learning the hardest part of life. Use synonyms
Hence
, they can feel more like an adult Linking Words
while
they are doing these jobs, Linking Words
so
Correct word choice
apply
it
can lead Correct pronoun usage
which
students
to accomplish their goals with the same attitude. Use synonyms
For example
, pupils who are responsible for their house jobs can pass the exams easier than other Linking Words
people
, because they might be more aware of their liabilities, and Use synonyms
this
awareness can help to achieve their highest results when they prepare for their exams. Linking Words
As a result
, living independently can help Linking Words
people
to have more liabilities, and learn how to live by themselves.
Use synonyms
In addition
, most learners might be striving to keep their financial situations in balance. It can be tough when Linking Words
people
are not living independently. Use synonyms
However
, when Linking Words
students
move to different areas from their families, they can enhance their independent skills much easier , Use synonyms
such
as managing their budgets. Linking Words
For instance
, when their Linking Words
parents
send some money for them to pay their necessaries. Use synonyms
Therefore
, they can not squander Linking Words
this
money, and they ought to divide their budgets into different categories Linking Words
such
as bills, and social activities. Linking Words
Consequently
, keeping a budget Linking Words
while
studying at university can affect Linking Words
students
' lives, if they live independently.
In conclusion, nowadays, Use synonyms
although
some Linking Words
people
think that moving to other places, which are far away from their Use synonyms
parents
, can bring some benefits to pupils' university lives, others do not agree with it. In my opinion, I totally agree that living independently can have positive influences on Use synonyms
students
, Use synonyms
such
as managing their financial situationsLinking Words
,
and being more aware of their responsibilities.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by hsmkashi on
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task achievement
While the essay covers the topic well and presents a clear stance, there is some repetition in the points made. Try to introduce fresh ideas rather than reiterating similar ones.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt and may cause confusion for the reader.
task achievement
Improve the variety and depth of examples used to support the points. While the examples currently provided are relevant, they could be more varied to illustrate the benefits more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.