IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people #reason
Nowadays, some manufacturers produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and drink
products
 with high levels of
sugar
 that cause many
health
 problems
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people. I personally
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 that making sugary
products
 more expensive is an effective strategy to encourage reduced consumption and promote
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
dietary
Replace the word
diet
show examples
. Undeniably, excessive
sugar
 intake is related to many
health
 problems, including obesity, diabetes, dental problems and heart disease.
According to
 the World
Health
 Organization, high
sugar
 consumption can lead to increased caloric intake and poor nutritional choices, contributing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chronic conditions. By raising prices on sugary
products
, consumers may be more inclined to reconsider their purchases, opting for healthier alternatives that are often less expensive and more nutritious.
Moreover
, economic principles state that higher prices typically lead to lower demand.
For instance
, taxation of sugary drinks can
also
 be implemented in cities, including UK and Berkeley, the studies showed a significant decrease in consumption of
Sugar
. People began to choose water or unsweetened beverages, which are healthier options.
This
 shift not only benefits individual
health
 but
also
 reduces the economic burden on healthcare systems caused by
sugar
-related illnesses.
Additionally
, making sugary
products
 more expensive can generate revenue for public
health
 initiatives. These funds can be used to promote nutrition education, subsidize healthier food options, or improve access to fresh produce in low-income areas.
Such
 measures could help combat the root causes of unhealthy eating habits and create a more
health
-conscious society. In conclusion, the idea of increasing the cost of sugary
products
 is surely
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 way to encourage healthier choices, reduce
health
-related issues and generate funds for public
health
 initiatives that can significantly contribute to improving public
health
 outcomes.
Submitted by emilychoi.pp on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are clearly linked with appropriate conjunctions and transition words to enhance the logical flow and connections between ideas.
Task Achievement
Be cautious with minor grammatical and language inaccuracies to further clarify your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a well-structured response with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the argument.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant examples, including the mention of cities like the UK and Berkeley, strengthens the argument and demonstrates the practical application of the proposed solution.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly outlines the negative consequences of high sugar consumption and the benefits of imposing higher costs on sugary products.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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