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Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this¬? What solutions can you suggest?

#gyms #lifestyle #popularity #world #this¬
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It is clear that
 nowadays except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of gyms in cities, the part of citizens prefer
slow pace
Replace the word
a slow-paced
show examples
 life,
although
 experts suggest that
this
 may lead to numerous health
problems
.In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons why
this
 might be the case and put several solutions to tackle these issues. One of the potential
problems
 that a sedentary lifestyle can lead to is obesity, which causes a person to have many
problems
 with the heart and with the body as a whole. It can
also
 lead to a reduction in athletes, runners, and natural activists. Another potential problem is the spread of many diseases , the main example is diabetes, which is directly related to excess weight. An Oxford study showed that 85% of people with diabetes are overweight people who do not play any sports. There are a number of potential approaches to solving
this
 problem. First of all, a good place to start is with courses that educate about the dangers of
this
 lifestyle.
Secondly
, local councils should organize sporting events frequently and advertise them on television so that local residents see the opportunity and take part in
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
 events,
for example
, in marathons, in these types of sporting events the scale of participants can be enormous.
To conclude
, as I have discussed, there are various associated
problems
 with
this
 trend, and it is necessary to take action to tackle these
dialemmas
Correct your spelling
dilemmas
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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introduction
Consider providing a more comprehensive introduction by outlining the problems and solutions briefly. This adds clarity and guides the reader effectively through your essay.
supported main points
Work on expanding and elaborating your points further. For example, providing more detail or multiple examples can strengthen your arguments.
grammar and punctuation
Review grammar and punctuation for some minor errors such as comma splices and sentence fragments. Small improvements in accuracy can lead to a more professional presentation.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The logical flow is easy to follow.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific examples, such as the Oxford study, which adds credibility to your argument.
task achievement
You offered practical solutions, demonstrating your ability to propose actionable steps to tackle the problems discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • mental health
  • physical activity
  • healthcare costs
  • economic consequences
  • exacerbate
  • productivity
  • health issues
What to do next:
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