Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
Nowadays, a lot of
people
use the Internet and smartphones to transfer money
to their friends, families, and business partners. I personally believe that is
it a positive development because it allows people
to send money
just with a click
, and the receiver can receive money
with a second,
and it ensures their safety.
Online banking helps individuals to send money
with a single click
on their phones. The senders do not need to go to the bank to send money
. Instead
, they can send money
with a click
on their phones, which saves their
valuable time and energy. A lot of Correct pronoun usage
them
people
send money
to their friends in this
way because it is the most convenient way of sending money
. For example
, many people
in Bangladesh say that they prefer sending money
through a mobile banking app because it saves their
time.
Correct pronoun usage
them
Moreover
, senders also
receive money
within a second if money
is sent through a mobile app. They do not need to go to the bank to receive money
. Moreover
, carrying a huge amount of money
is sometimes risky. Sending money
through the Internet ensures the safety of people
because they do not have to carry those
cash from the bank to their homes. Correct determiner usage
that
For example
, many Bangladeshi citizens have revealed that they always have the fear of carrying money
because there is a fear of being hijacked by hijackers.
In conclusion, I personally believe that sending money
through the Internet and phones is a positive development because it saves people
from danger, and people
can send and receive money
with a single click
.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence, use transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next. Currently, the essay flows well, but using more connectors can improve the logical structure.
task achievement
Providing a broader range of examples or expanding on the existing examples can add depth to your argument. This would help in demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the task.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the implications of online money transfer beyond safety and convenience, like its impact on economic growth or how it changes traditional banking behavior.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively by outlining the positive aspects of online money transfers, emphasizing convenience and safety.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the main argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant and support the main points, enhancing the task response.
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