In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?
In many republics,
alcohol
advertising is banned, and this
essay agrees with this
approach. The consumption
of alcohol
can destroy families and advertisers' influence can undermine individuals' self-identity.
Advertising alcoholic beverages should be prohibited because alcohol
significantly affects both the mental and physical well-being of individuals. Excessive alcohol
consumption
can lead to various mental health
issues such
as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, which have severe impacts on an individual’s overall
life. Furthermore
, alcohol
abuse not only harms the individual but also
negatively affects their family and friends. In the Commonwealth of Independent States (CIS) countries, particularly in Russia, alcohol
-related deaths were alarmingly high. However
, after Russia banned alcohol
advertising on television, there was a noticeable decrease in such
deaths, demonstrating the positive impact of such
a prohibition.
Another reason why "drinks of death" should not be advertised is the manipulative nature of such
marketing campaigns. Advertisers aim to increase alcohol
sales, regardless of whether individuals have already exceeded safe consumption
limits. They are indifferent to the detrimental consequences their products have on people's lives. Commercials often portray alcohol
as a luxurious or desirable product, suggesting that its consumption
leads to happiness or social success. For example
, an advertisement for Corona beer might depict a beautiful woman enjoying a beer on a beach, creating an association between the product and an idealized lifestyle. However
, these advertisements rarely highlight the severe health
risks associated with alcohol
consumption
.
In conclusion, advertising alcoholic beverages should be banned globally to prevent the manipulation of consumers and the associated health
risks. Companies should not be allowed to profit at the expense of public health
. I sincerely hope that all countries will eventually prohibit alcohol
advertising to safeguard their populations.Submitted by interclass1982 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and focused, but consider expanding the introduction to provide a bit more context. Clarify the specific stance early to ensure the reader knows your position from the beginning.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your points are not just supported but thoroughly examined. Delving deeper into the relationship between advertising and alcohol consumption can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures can enhance the clarity and richness of your essay. Avoiding repetition and diversifying your language can keep the reader engaged and showcase your proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph contributing to your overall argument. This makes your writing easy to follow and understand.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as the situation in Russia. This strengthens the credibility of your argument and demonstrates your knowledge.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both effectively written, clearly presenting your stance and summarizing your main points. This creates a cohesive and compelling argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?