IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that governments should provide unemployed citizens with free telephones and opportunities for using internet to help them to find a job. What to extent do you agree or disagree?

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A group of people believe that authorities ought to offer free telephone and internet to their inhabitants who do not have occupations for finding job vacancies. I do not subscribe to
this
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 idea owing to the fact that they need too much money and creates a chance for some individuals to abuse them On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that free the telephone and the Internet need to invest a great deal of budget governments.
Whereas
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, authorities can spend
this
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 money on providing more job opportunities for their citizens and enhancing the level of other services,
such
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 as education, sanitation, and so on that have a range of benefits for all inhabitants
instead
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 of particular of them.
For example
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, when governments fund the budget that they want to get unemployment every month to establish a factory like recycling,
then
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 they get a range of them for infrastructure and construction of companies.
Moreover
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, some of them find jobs when it is complete;
additionally
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,
this
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 factory has a positive effect on the environment.
On the other hand
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, when people have access to free facilities like the telephone and the Internet, they might use them for other factors, not for finding a job.
In other words
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, free accessibility ,in the long run, leads to abusing resources for non-job-related purposes and using them for some activities like video games, trades, and so forth.
To sum up
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, free resources can be a good offer but we have to know that their budgets can be utilized to establish companies and other services for society.
In addition
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,they have a negative impact on financial status when people use them for other work.

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task achievement
The introduction could benefit from rephrasing to clearly state your stance on the issue. It is important to directly address the prompt's requirement for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and closely relates to your argument. Signposting can help guide the reader through your points effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. For instance, when discussing how funds could be better spent, you could give more concrete instances.
task achievement
You've presented a clear opinion on the topic, demonstrating critical thinking about government spending.
coherence and cohesion
You've structured your essay into two main body paragraphs, which helps to organize your thoughts and arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • access to communication
  • digital literacy
  • skills development
  • equity and inclusion
  • economically disadvantaged
  • job market
  • government expenses
  • diverting funds
  • dependency
  • abusing resources
  • promptly respond
  • schedule interviews
  • modern job market
  • initiative
  • crucial areas
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