Some people say that the extened family is not as important as it once was. Others think that its worth has not changed because people always need help from their family members. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that
extened
Correct your spelling
extended
family is not
fundamental
Rephrase
as fundamental
show examples
as it once was in
previouse
Correct your spelling
previous
days
Use synonyms
.Others think that its worth has not
avoid
Change the verb form
avoided
show examples
taking place the reason human need or seak of
healp
Correct your spelling
help
every time from their family
mumbers
Correct your spelling
members
.
To begin
Linking Words
with,first of all, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
bother to extend their family
due to
Linking Words
modern
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
they think extending family will have more
resposibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, taking care of
new born
Correct your spelling
newborns
show examples
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
responsibility and
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
very
axorbitant
Correct your spelling
important
in current
days
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
as,new born
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
milk to
drink
Add a missing verb
be drink
show examples
every 2 hours if the mother cant breastfeed for some personal issues
then
Linking Words
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
to buy the milk from
pharmacy
Correct article usage
a pharmacy
show examples
or grocery and its very expensive
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to
thje
Correct your spelling
the
old
days
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
to make children neither male
or
Replace the word
nor
show examples
female.There was research regarding
this
Linking Words
,that in almost all countries there are issues regarding both genders
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
make babies,and some problems from men and some from women. Next,there are some
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
satisfied and agree to extend their
blood line
Correct your spelling
bloodline
show examples
,where they think
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
important to have
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
family, and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
common in some countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
mentality
Add an article
the mentality
show examples
of some
people
Use synonyms
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
he or she wants to see her or
hes
Correct your spelling
his
her
grandchildren.
Whereas
Linking Words
, if there is big business or wealthy families wants to have their money and business for their grand
grand children
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
for their goof life and future.
For instance
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
days
Use synonyms
to live is very expensive specially in
educations
Change the noun form
education
show examples
fees,
like starts
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
from grade one to higher
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
,liabilities,like,grocery,electricity bill,mobile
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
,gas
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
To conclude
Linking Words
,in my point of view
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
important to extend family
mumbers
Correct your spelling
members
it
hepls
Correct your spelling
helps
in the future and in the present
days
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ismailalmarri0 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on sentence construction and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logically connects with the previous and next paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the topic and outlining the main points you will discuss.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your points clearer and more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and reinforces your opinion clearly.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the task.
introduction conclusion present
You have included a conclusion that states your opinion, which is important for the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: