IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

There should be strict laws banning people from taking photographs of people under 18 in order to protect young celebrities and the children of celebrities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#laws #people #photographs #celebrities #children
Stringent regulations must be enforced to prevent crowds from filming under 18 famous adolescents and progenies of
celebrities
. The reasons for
this
 statement are explained below with some counterarguments. The most important reason for the act is the violation of the privacy of adolescent people. Being a celebrity does not mean that their privacy is always at the mercy of others. There has been a high incidence of misuse of pictures of filmed young luminary on the internet. Because
this
 is traumatic, many have gone into depression and have disappeared from the limelight.
Hence
, one can say that there must be strict laws preventing public photography of under 18. Another reason for the legal action against picturing under 18 is the threat to security. The public pictures from the internet can reach some criminals or terror groups.
This
 can adversely affect their safety and security.
For example
, the daughter of Jammu & Kashmir was abducted by a terrorist organisation in the past from a picture of her in one of the magazines.
Thus
, public filming is a threat to security and must warrant a legal solution.
On the contrary
, some argue that people should not be any
law
 to prevent taking photographs of under-18
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 or children of
celebrities
.
This
 can be misused and can cause human rights violations because these affluent people can manipulate
law
 enforcement agencies. It happened in many countries and on many occasions. Despite these arguments, one can say that a
law
 is necessary to control filming under 18 luminary. To sum it up, there should be a punishable
law
 to prevent capturing young adults who are either
celebrities
 themselves or children of
celebrities
.
Although
 there are counterarguments, strong reasons are explained above to agree with the statement.
Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining your topic sentences to make the main points of each paragraph even clearer. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples, try to use more varied and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both the reasons for and against the proposed law.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, effectively framing the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs and supported main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Incessant media attention
  • Right to privacy
  • Detrimental effect
  • Exploitation and misuse
  • Formidable deterrent
  • Positive example
  • Regulating the actions
  • Digital footprint
  • Unauthorized sharing
  • Mental health
  • Paparazzi
  • Celebrities' children
  • Legal protection
  • Psychological impact
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