It is important for children to learn the different between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

In
this
contemporary world, it is argued that
having
Verb problem
being
show examples
punished is the only way for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to distinguish the difference between good and bad
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
their early life. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
statement because punishments will often lead them to depression and trauma and
also
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
their self-confidence level. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly disagree that punishing
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
at their blooming stage will teach them
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive and negative values because
this
will result in psychological disorders and it will have a direct impact on their personal development as well.
Submitted by chandralekha1993 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop your argument fully by providing more detailed reasoning and examples. Explain why punishment might lead to depression and trauma, and provide alternative methods for teaching children right and wrong.
task achievement
You should ensure that you are addressing all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion that also considers any potential benefits of punishment, even if you ultimately disagree with it.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and by adding more paragraphs for different points. The essay should also include more logical connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include more supporting points for each argument to enhance cohesion. Transition words and phrases can help link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a structure for the discussion.
task achievement
The writer’s opinion is clearly stated, and the essay sticks to this viewpoint throughout, which helps maintain focus.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral development
  • positive reinforcement
  • natural consequences
  • constructive punishment
  • punitive measures
  • psychological effects
  • self-esteem
  • aggression
  • anxiety
  • time-outs
  • loss of privileges
  • logical consequences
  • discipline
  • affection
  • internalize
  • modeling moral behavior
  • collaborative activities
  • ethical dilemmas
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!