IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Today,
due to
 the growing trend of unexpected issues, planning for the
future
life
 has become more important than in the past. A popular belief about
money
 claims that all people, even youngsters, should save
money
 for their
future
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
both
 the benefits and drawbacks of saving
money
 for the rest of
the
Change the word
my
show examples
life
, and I will explain why I strongly agree with
this
 opinion. For either seniors or juniors,financial support can play a key role in tackling their
future'
Change noun form
future
show examples
 problems . Undoubtedly,
life
 is going to face a variety of unpredictable bitter incidents .Floods and earthquakes as natural disasters which lead to several detrimental effects on buildings and houses, are examples of unpredictable heartbreaking incidents for
both
 seniors and juniors.Your home which is demolished by these disasters will require financial efforts to rebuild.
However
,your saved
moneymoney
Correct your spelling
money
 may lead to a less convenient
life
 for you when you could easily spend
instead
 of saving like others, today will help you to reconstruct your shelter and have a better
life
 than others. Others believe individuals should live in the moment, the past has gone and the
future
 is not yet to come. But
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
this
 approach will be appealing to
both
 young and older people with the outlook same as
this
 view.
For example
, someone who spends all his or her income on leisure activities or shopping may suddenly become sick and need rest for a long time. cancer is a disease
that is
 suddenly diagnosed by doctors. Too much
money
 is needed for his or her treatment,
while
 it's not clear whether he will be able to continue working
due to
 the hardness of his/her illness or not. Without any saved
money
 and a
future
 job, you utterly lose not only your current moment but
also
 your
future
. All in all, one of the major and fearful features of the
future
 that must be considered is the lack of insurance and knowledge about the upcoming
future
.
For example
, some natural disasters and unforeseen diseases need financial support to ensure survival.
Therefore
 saving
money
 is crucial for
both
 young and old people.
Submitted by ashkanasho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphs are well-organized and clearly linked. Transition phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore' could improve flow.
task achievement
Clarify your main points and make them more explicit in each paragraph. This will help to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Avoid repetitive words or phrases and try to use a wider range of vocabulary to make your essay more dynamic and engaging.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view and a logical conclusion in support of saving money for the future.
coherence cohesion
The introduction gives a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as natural disasters and health issues, are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: