IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines, accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a balance of both good and bad news?

#majority #news #wars #famines #accidents #crime #balance
These days,
people
 get access to a variety of information through different ways
such
 as TV, and social media though most of the
news
 is negative.
For instance
, wars, crime, famines, and accidents. There are many reasons for that but I strongly believe that good
news
 should outweigh bad
news
. Reporters tend to write negative
news
 thereby they can attract tremendous attention from the public.
This
 trend could be explained by the fact that humans when they read bad
news
then
 they produce a significant amount of dopamine to stimulate their curiosity.
As a consequence
, the press will get a good income from it.
Furthermore
, they could have a higher rating thereby they can increase their reputation.
However
,
due to
 the dominance of negative information, the tendency of violence appearing in teenagers is considerably increasing.
For instance
, there is a higher rate of shootings in schools than in the past in some particular countries
such
 as America, Germany, and so on. That lays the foundation for a warning level of crimes happening in the world.
On the other hand
, positive
news
 fosters
people
’s good thoughts to have a good life. To illustrate, we generally like to
intimate
Verb problem
inform
show examples
 others whenever they do good things like fundraising, charity, or helping vulnerable
people
thus
 the more good things
people
 do the better the world becomes.
To conclude
, there is no doubt that there is a rightful amount of negative
news
 being reported in the contemporary areas
however
 I think reporters need to focus on good
news
 more
while
 they still have to write negative information to make
people
 aware of the current world’s situation.
Submitted by phuongnga24042003 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and that all sentences support this idea. This will help improve overall clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and details to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to show your language proficiency. This can also make your essay more engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and are well-explained. The essay addresses both the reasons for the prevalence of bad news and the need for a balance of good and bad news.
task achievement
The language is generally clear and easy to understand, with appropriate use of vocabulary and grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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