IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, however, only a few achieve it. What are the problems in doing this and what solutions can you suggest?

#people #aim #balance #work #aspects #life
These days many people target to equilibrium between their
work
 and other
spects
Correct your spelling
aspects
 of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
however
,only a few obtain it.
To begin
 with,first of all, in current days
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 difficult to maintain both
work
 and other staff.
Moreover
,
due to
 daily
bussy
Correct your spelling
busy
show examples
 life
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not possible to add any other activity or personal
work
,
people
Correct word choice
as people
show examples
work
 full
time
.
For example
, there are three different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
work
,one is
Correct article usage
a full
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 job,which is 12 hours,the second one is
u
Correct your spelling
you
 get
work
 when someone is in need of your skills and the
last
 one is partial
work
,which
mosty
Correct your spelling
mostly
most
 students
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 it for living.
In addition
, everything should be
schedualed
Correct your spelling
scheduled
 or it will
leed
Correct your spelling
lead
show examples
 you
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 problems.
Furthermore
,its often
agrued
Correct your spelling
argued
agreed
 that
work
 is better
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 business but its
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
,the starting personal; business is much better than
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
employee
Add an article
an employee
show examples
 in the
privatec
Correct your spelling
private
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
 pays
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of salaries but they torcher employees more than their limits.
For instance
,the company will
higher
Correct your spelling
hires
show examples
 the staff ,during
Add an article
the interview
an interview
show examples
interview
Add a comma
interview,
show examples
 they mention about
work
 that it will be only eight hours but
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not true,they make the employee
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
 more
thatn
Correct your spelling
than
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
 hours.
In other words
,better to
work
 in
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
,where they
appriciate
Correct your spelling
appreciate
 your extra
work
 and still you will have
planty
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of
time
 to do other things
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
your
show examples
 free
time
.
There
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem is to avoid working more than
Correct article usage
the human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 body can handle
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion,in my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 suggest to those who
work
 more than
12 hour
Add a hyphen
12-hour
show examples
duty
Change preposition
of duty
show examples
,to stop thinking about the company and start thinking about their health.
Submitted by ismailalmarri0 on

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task achievement
You should aim to fully address all parts of the task by clearly identifying the problems and suggesting viable solutions. Try to incorporate specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs and use cohesive devices (e.g., linking words) more effectively to guide the reader through your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea.
language
Focus on improving grammar and accuracy. Avoid making errors in subject-verb agreement, spelling, and punctuation. Additionally, work on using a more diverse range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a good basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This provides a framework for addressing the task effectively.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant points about the difficulties people face in balancing work and life, as well as suggestions on how to solve these issues. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
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