Government should make laws about people’s nutrition and food choices. Others argue that it is their choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a debate over individuals' diets.
While
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some believe it should be the
government
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's responsibility, I agree with those who argue that it should remain personal. It is understandable why
people
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argue that regulating the diet of an individual is the liability of the
government
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. One reason is that they have the chance to enforce legislation. Fast foods and sugary drinks increase
health
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problems.
For instance
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, if they put restrictions on junk food advertisements, it reduces unhealthy eating habits. By neglecting the diets of the population, governments are more likely to spend huge amounts of money on healthcare.
Additionally
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, there is a high chance that obesity rates will exceed the limit , which adds an extra problem for the
government
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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should encourage local
people
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by enforcing rules that protect public
health
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. Despite
this
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argument, I side with those who believe that food choices are a personal matter. After all, individuals know their own preferences , and they know about their
health
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condition.
For example
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, adults should adopt healthy eating habits that protect them from food-related diseases. More importantly, too much
government
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control may limit personal freedom. Forcing them without letting them decide is unfair. For that reason, they have to know the limit and act
according to
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their preferences. In conclusion, on the one hand, it could be argued that governmet should make laws about
people
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's nutrition since they can protect public
health
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.
However
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, I believe that it should remain on
people
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's choices since they know their limits and exceeding control puts a barrier on freedom.

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task response
For task response: You answer both sides and give your view, so this is good. But some ideas are too general. Add one more clear reason for each side.
task response
For task response: Your opinion is clear in the intro and end. This helps your score. But explain your opinion more fully in body 2.
task response
For task response: Your example about junk food ads is relevant, but it is still broad. Use a more exact example to make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion. This is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Most ideas follow in a clear order. But some links are weak, such as moving from health cost to obesity. Add a short linking sentence.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: You use words like 'Additionally', 'Despite this argument', and 'For that reason'. This is good. But do not use too many linkers if the idea itself is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some lines are hard to follow because of unclear wording, for example 'they have to know the limit'. Use simpler and more exact sentences.
task response
You discuss both views and clearly say your own view.
task response
Your essay stays on topic from start to end.
task response
The example about junk food ads supports the idea of government action.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main side of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow in general because the ideas are grouped well.
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