IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government should make laws about people’s nutrition and food choices. Others argue that it is their choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
There is a debate over whether the authority should enact special rules for individuals to consume beneficial and nutritious meals.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that it’s a personal choice to decide what to eat without limitations, I agree with those who believe that choosing
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves, and
besides
Linking Words
 that, controlling eating behaviour depends on every individual
Body · 1
Granted, one might argue that the government should pay attention
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 regulate the eating habits of residents to keep them fit. Obviously, these strict rules can largely contribute to the well-being of
people
Use synonyms
 positively. The majority of
people
Use synonyms
 do not have any conception about detrimental effects of the food that they consume. If they are strictly enforced by law, they will be more aware of their nutrition significantly
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 as not to be fined a large sum.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the most significant core-driven factors that makes
people
Use synonyms
 eat unhealthy and deteriorated meals is the widely produced snacks by some companies. If the government increases the amount of tax, these useless products will be produced in small quantities, making it way more expensive, or even leading to a collapse in their production .
As a result
Linking Words
, sales of harmful products decline and
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 start to eat nutritional products.
Body · 2
Despite these arguments, I side with those who reckon that everyone should have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to everything that they want to purchase and consume. That can be seen as a horrible decision, but unless
people
Use synonyms
 are conscious about their nutrition, nobody can alter the way they feed themselves.
Although
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
tell
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that it’s unbearable to live without junk foods, real change only happens when consumers actively choose to prioritise their health. The level of obesity has skyrocketed since junk food became prevalent. Junk food itself is not a key point, but the choice of
people
Use synonyms
 is an integral part.
Instead
Linking Words
 of eating burgers, hotdogs and pizzas, they can pick to eat vegetables or healthy options
Conclusion
In conclusion, the government can play a crucial role by enforcing laws, but
people
Use synonyms
 have the right to decide what to consume , though.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is there, but it is not fully clear in the first part.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two clear real examples to support your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas are good, but a few parts are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some linking words are used, but not always well.
coherence cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Main points about law, tax, and personal choice are relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: