IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some societies think that it is better for high school students to study a wide range of subjects than to focus on a narrow range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some societies believe that studying a wide
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
 in school is essential for high school
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that being focused only on several
subjects
Use synonyms
 is better. In my opinion, I agree that being focused on a specific
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
 is a better option, considering the advantages that it has.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, focusing only on a narrow
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
 provides you more time to do other errands or activities,
such
Linking Words
 as hobbies. It is undeniable that learning some academic matters is crucial.
However
Linking Words
, doing other activities is
also
Linking Words
 important as well to keep our emotional health fit, considering that studying is likely stressful for some people.
For example
Linking Words
, if they keep the balance between learning and doing
such
Linking Words
 good activities, they will be less stressed because the body will stimulate hormones to reduce overwhelming feelings.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning fewer
subjects
Use synonyms
 consistently helps
students
Use synonyms
 to gain more information about the
subjects
Use synonyms
. I believe that
students
Use synonyms
 who are learning a wide
range
Use synonyms
 of
studies
Use synonyms
 will have lots of materials to read, making them have difficulty understanding or to memorize the information provided.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who have a small
range
Use synonyms
 of
studies
Use synonyms
 have more possibilities to gain and retain what they read,
thus
Linking Words
, they have a profound understanding of the materials.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is seen that people can be experts in any field because they did not study a wide
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
, but learned and focused on one single subject that eventually made them
expertise
Replace the word
expert
show examples
 in their fields. In conclusion, learning all
studies
Use synonyms
 leads
students
Use synonyms
 to have less time to do other errands and makes them struggle to obtain
further
Linking Words
 information about specific
studies
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is better for
students
Use synonyms
 to pick the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they like in order to be experts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is good overall. However, try to make your transitions between ideas smoother to further improve the flow of your essay. You might consider using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and well-supported, but you could enhance them by providing more diverse and specific examples. This will make your points more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your position, which sets a clear direction for your essay.
supported main points
You provide logical reasoning for your points of view, such as the emotional benefits of having hobbies and the advantage of focusing on fewer subjects for better understanding.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: