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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some societies think that it is better for high school students to study a wide range of subjects than to focus on a narrow range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some societies believe that studying a wide
range
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 of
subjects
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 in school is essential for high school
students
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,
while
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 some argue that being focused only on several
subjects
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 is better. In my opinion, I agree that being focused on a specific
range
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 of
subjects
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 is a better option, considering the advantages that it has.
To begin
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 with, focusing only on a narrow
range
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 of
subjects
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 provides you more time to do other errands or activities,
such
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 as hobbies. It is undeniable that learning some academic matters is crucial.
However
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, doing other activities is
also
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 important as well to keep our emotional health fit, considering that studying is likely stressful for some people.
For example
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, if they keep the balance between learning and doing
such
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 good activities, they will be less stressed because the body will stimulate hormones to reduce overwhelming feelings.
Moreover
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, learning fewer
subjects
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 consistently helps
students
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 to gain more information about the
subjects
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. I believe that
students
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 who are learning a wide
range
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 of
studies
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 will have lots of materials to read, making them have difficulty understanding or to memorize the information provided.
In contrast
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,
students
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 who have a small
range
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 of
studies
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 have more possibilities to gain and retain what they read,
thus
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, they have a profound understanding of the materials.
For instance
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, it is seen that people can be experts in any field because they did not study a wide
range
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 of
subjects
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, but learned and focused on one single subject that eventually made them
expertise
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expert
show examples
 in their fields. In conclusion, learning all
studies
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 leads
students
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 to have less time to do other errands and makes them struggle to obtain
further
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 information about specific
studies
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.
Consequently
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, it is better for
students
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 to pick the
subjects
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 that they like in order to be experts.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is good overall. However, try to make your transitions between ideas smoother to further improve the flow of your essay. You might consider using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and well-supported, but you could enhance them by providing more diverse and specific examples. This will make your points more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your position, which sets a clear direction for your essay.
supported main points
You provide logical reasoning for your points of view, such as the emotional benefits of having hobbies and the advantage of focusing on fewer subjects for better understanding.
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