Teenagers are spending an increasing amount of time on the Internet, and this is having a negative effect on their social skills. Do you agree or disagree?

It is universally accepted that adolescents tend to spend
considerable
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a considerable
show examples
period of their daily routine
for
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apply
show examples
accepting online
resourses
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resources
via
Internet
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an Internet
show examples
connection.
Along with
benefits
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the benefits
show examples
of
this
modern tool of the
21 st
Correct your spelling
21st
-century,which has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed social interactions tremendously,it has detrimental effects on
teenagers
.I completely
aree
Correct your spelling
agree
with
this
opinion and wholeheartedly
beleive
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believe
that,
this
trend should be changed. As far as I am concerned,
Internet
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the Internet
show examples
has become an integral part of
adolescents
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adolescents'
adolescent's
show examples
lives,influencing
on
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apply
show examples
theie
Correct your spelling
their
behaviour,communication with others and even their
overall
well-being.First of all,I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that,in recent times diverse
teenagers
cannot interact with each other in face-to-face conversations,making it hard for them to develop deep and meaningful relationships in society.As an example,if minors spend
enormous
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an enormous
show examples
amount of time on the
Internet
,in
real life
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real-life
show examples
conversations they could not provide empathy,
active
Correct word choice
or active
show examples
listening,they would not be involved in dialogue and
this
will gradually alienate them from all their friends and acquaintances.During their utilization of online social platforms they might encounter different people,who will criticize them and through
this
teenagers
will be the victims of
cyberbulling
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
cyber bullying
.
Additionally
,various
teenagers
have been bullied and
harrased
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harassed
online and
consequences
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the consequences
show examples
of them uncountable.As
an evidence
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evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
,multiple juveniles in different parts of
world
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the world
show examples
commiting
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committing
self-harm and self-murder every year,being unable to cope with
negative
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the negative
show examples
influence of the
Internet
. It is worth considering that,young individuals become dependent on using online devices,they utilize
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
day and night,
eegardless
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regardless
of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
side effects.Psychological Associations named
this
condition- "
Internet
addiction disorder".To cite an example,
teenagers
become highly immersed in online gaming.They spend excessive hours playing.They may become irritable when not gaming.
Furthermore
,
tgey
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they
may neglect their responsibilities,
personal
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and personal
show examples
hygiene,miss study deadlines,
avoid
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and avoid
show examples
social gatherings.On top of that,in real-world
interations
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interactions
,juveniles may find it
challanging
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challenging
to navigate in different situations offline.Their behaviour will illustrate shyness
,
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and,sense
show examples
sense
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a sense
show examples
of awkwardness,
tgey
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they
will interact with other citizens in society without
eye-contact
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eye contact
show examples
and engagement in conversation. To elucidate,
i
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I
show examples
strongly
beleive
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believe
that juveniles
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
show examples
majority
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the majority
show examples
of their time on the
Internet
and through
this
tgey
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they
change their behaviour noticeably in
every day
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everyday
show examples
social communications
wjth
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with
society members.It is
proves
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proven
show examples
that
cyberplace
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the workplace
show examples
is not a harmless tool in
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
everyday
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,but
weapon
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a weapon
show examples
against them.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
There are occasional spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'aree' should be 'agree', 'beleive' should be 'believe'). Proofreading for such minor mistakes can refine your essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a good introduction and conclusion, some paragraphs could benefit from better transitions to improve flow and coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and supports it with relevant points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument, providing a suitable start and end to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • essential social skills
  • in-person communication
  • constant internet usage
  • cyberbullying
  • social anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • real life
  • social media platforms
  • online communities
  • communication skills
  • peers
  • similar interests
  • shy or introverted
  • less intimidating
  • confidence
  • improve social skills
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