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Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #zoos
There are some
people
 who believe that
zoos
 are not a suitable place for wild
animals
,
while
 others believe that
zoos
 can provide considerable benefits to humanity. One of the reasons that
zoos
 are not good places for wild
animals
 is that they have an adverse impact on their mental health. Wild
animals
 are supposed to roam freely in the wild but restricting their freedom can damage their mental health.
Secondly
, sometimes
zoos
 are dangerous. Some of these
animals
 are untamed and ferocious, and they can escape from
zoos
 that are not fully secure.
This
 can lead to
people
 being injured by those
animals
,
therefore
zoos
 threaten
people
.
However
, in my opinion, we can reduce the damage taken to both
animals
 and
people
 by having more proper and secure
zoos
.
On the other hand
, the advantages that
zoos
 provide are more than the disadvantages.
Zoos
 can give scientists a chance to discover vaccines. Since the similarities between humans and
animals
 are noticeable, scientists can experiment on
animals
 to see the reaction of different drugs on
animals
 and find the best drug to fight a disease. What’s more,
zoos
 can protect rare species that are on the edge of extinction.
Due to
 overhunting of poachers, the population of endangered
animals
 is decreasing quickly.
As a result
,
zoos
 can keep
animals
 safe from hunters. I
also
 believe that the benefits which
zoos
 give outweigh the drawbacks by being beneficial to the medical world and a safe place for
animals
. In conclusion,
although
zoos
 can give wild
animals
 mental damage and a chance to hurt
people
, I believe that the benefits which are advancements in medicine and preserved areas are more important than the disadvantages.
Submitted by mohamad.m.sharifi74 on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, you can provide more specific examples to back up your points. For instance, mention specific rare species that have been saved by zoos or specific medical advancements that have been made possible through research conducted in zoos.
coherence cohesion
While your logical structure is strong, consider ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be done by using transitional phrases or linking words to create even better flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong logical structure and well-defined introduction and conclusion. This greatly aids in conveying your viewpoints clearly and effectively.
task achievement
You have a clear and comprehensive presentation of ideas, offering a balanced view of both perspectives before giving your own opinion. This shows a high level of analytical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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