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Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia´s share of the Japanese tourist markey. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia´s share of the Japanese tourist markey. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #japanese #tourists #australia´s #tourist #markey #summerise #information #features #comparisons
There are two charts the first one shows the
number
 of
Japanese
tourists
 who
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 abroad from 1985 and 1995
while
 the other chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia´s share of the
Japanese
 tourist market.Well, there are a lot of
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 things that can be observed.
Over all
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, we can see that the
number
Japanese
Change preposition
of Japanese
show examples
tourists
 travelling abroad is increasing without any
flluctation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
 through the years and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia´s share of the
Japanese
 tourist market is increasing
also
 but with a fall down in 1989. On the one hand, we can see that the highest proportion of
Japanese
tourists
 was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 best in 1995 with nearly 15
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
traveler
Change the spelling
traveller
show examples
.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,the
lesst
Correct your spelling
lowest
number
 of
Japanese
tourists
 was in 1985 with approximately 5 million
traveler
Change to a plural noun
travelers
show examples
.
In addition
, between the period 1990 and
1993
Add a comma
1993,
show examples
 the
number
 of
Japanese
tourists
 who
travel
Wrong verb form
travelled
show examples
 abroad was approximately 11 million.
On the other hand
,
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of things can be
observrd
Correct your spelling
observed
 in Australia´s share of the
Japanese
 tourist market.First of all,we can see that the highest proportion was in 1994 with nearly 7.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
,in 1989 the proportion
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
nearly 4.
Finally
, we can see that between 1989 and 1993 there was no
drop down
Correct your spelling
dropdown
show examples
.
Submitted by yousefreyad55 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japanese, tourists with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "droped" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
▼

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