Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants the all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
School
is the place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed. One school
of thought claims that co-curricular subjects
like arts, music, and drama contribute to a child's overall
development, and for that, schools
require more time to teach these subjects
if they want to promote overall
development in a child's life. I partially agree with the given purpose, and my reasons are articulated in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, schools
play an essential role in learners
Change noun form
learners'
learner's
life
if Fix the agreement mistake
lives
school
provides some extra Add an article
the school
a school
activities
like music arts drama can give a break from the monotonous schedule. Thus
, Add an article
the school
a school
school
should provide more attention Fix the agreement mistake
schools
for
these Change preposition
to
subjects
to be taught therefore
, children can get perfect and can make Add the comma(s)
, therefore
career
Add an article
a career
on
it as well as they can enhance their skills. To cite an example, in China Change preposition
in
schools
provide different extra creative activities
where kids learn, new creativity at early
age and enhance Add an article
an early
congrnetive
skills.
Correct your spelling
cognitive
On the other hand
, if schools
adds
more. recreational Change the verb form
add
activities
as well as
spend
more time on it than it will Wrong verb form
spending
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
distraction
from their Add an article
a distraction
acadamic
Correct your spelling
academic
subjects
. Moreover
, in other subjects
they learn history , culture and customs and other things too which will aid
them to make a successful career because extra Add a comma
subjects,
subjects
teach them emotional expression and social skills which have low chancess
for Correct your spelling
chances
chance
fruitful
result.
To recapitulate, Add an article
a fruitful
school
plays a pivotal role and adding Informal activities
taught them innovation and creativity skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
thus
have
holistic development.Though it only makes kids all-rounder but have Wrong verb form
having
low
chance Add an article
a low
to get
successful.Change preposition
of getting
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents both sides of the argument regarding arts and its role in the school curriculum. However, ensure clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
While making your arguments, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This would strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and conclusion, enhancing these sections with more detailed insights or summaries will help in making your essay more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets the stage for the main topic effectively, providing a general outlook on the importance of arts in the school curriculum.
logical structure
You offer a balanced view by discussing both the positive impacts of arts in education and potential drawbacks.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.