IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants the all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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School
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 is the place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed. One
school
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 of thought claims that co-curricular
subjects
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 like arts, music, and drama contribute to a child's
overall
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 development, and for that,
schools
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 require more time to teach these
subjects
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 if they want to promote
overall
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 development in a child's life. I partially agree with the given purpose, and my reasons are articulated in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with,
schools
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 play an essential role in
learners
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learners'
learner's
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life
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lives
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 if
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school
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the school
a school
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 provides some extra
activities
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 like music arts drama can give a break from the monotonous schedule.
Thus
Linking Words
,
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Add an article
the school
a school
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school
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schools
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 should provide more attention
for
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to
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 these
subjects
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 to be taught
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therefore
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, therefore
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, children can get perfect and can make
career
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a career
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on
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in
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 it as well as they can enhance their skills. To cite an example, in China
schools
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 provide different extra creative
activities
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 where kids learn, new creativity at
early
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an early
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 age and enhance
congrnetive
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cognitive
 skills.
On the other hand
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, if
schools
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adds
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add
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 more. recreational
activities
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as well as
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spend
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spending
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 more time on it than it will
be become
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become
have become
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distraction
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a distraction
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 from their
acadamic
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academic
subjects
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.
Moreover
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, in other
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subjects
Add a comma
subjects,
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 they learn history , culture and customs and other things too which will aid them to make a successful career because extra
subjects
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 teach them emotional expression and social skills which have low
chancess
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chances
chance
 for
fruitful
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a fruitful
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 result. To recapitulate,
school
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 plays a pivotal role and adding Informal
activities
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 taught them innovation and creativity
skill
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skills
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thus
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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 holistic development.Though it only makes kids all-rounder but have
low
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a low
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 chance
to get
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of getting
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 successful.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents both sides of the argument regarding arts and its role in the school curriculum. However, ensure clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
While making your arguments, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This would strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and conclusion, enhancing these sections with more detailed insights or summaries will help in making your essay more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets the stage for the main topic effectively, providing a general outlook on the importance of arts in the school curriculum.
logical structure
You offer a balanced view by discussing both the positive impacts of arts in education and potential drawbacks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Creative thinking
  • All-round development
  • Holistic approach
  • Curriculum enhancement
  • Innovative thinking
  • Emotional expression
  • Social skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Interdisciplinary learning
  • Balanced growth
  • Artistic endeavors
  • Experimental learning
What to do next:
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