Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants the all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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School
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed. One
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of thought claims that co-curricular
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

like arts, music, and drama contribute to a child's
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development, and for that,
schools
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

require more time to teach these
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

if they want to promote
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development in a child's life. I partially agree with the given purpose, and my reasons are articulated in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with,
schools
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

play an essential role in
learners
Change noun form
learners'
learner's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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if
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
a school

The noun phrase school seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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provides some extra
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

like music arts drama can give a break from the monotonous schedule.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Use synonyms
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the school
a school

The noun phrase school seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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should provide more attention
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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these
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to be taught
Linking Words
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter therefore. Consider adding the comma(s).

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, children can get perfect and can make
career
Add an article
a career

The noun phrase career seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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it as well as they can enhance their skills. To cite an example, in China
schools
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

provide different extra creative
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

where kids learn, new creativity at
early
Add an article
an early

The noun phrase early age seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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age and enhance
congrnetive
Correct your spelling
cognitive

If you don’t want congrnetive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if
schools
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

adds
Change the verb form
add

The singular verb adds does not appear to agree with the plural subject schools. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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more. recreational
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

spend
Wrong verb form
spending

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spend. Consider changing it.

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more time on it than it will
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become

It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb become in a passive voice construction. Consider writing the sentence in the active voice.

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distraction
Add an article
a distraction

The noun phrase distraction seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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from their
acadamic
Correct your spelling
academic

If you don’t want acadamic to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in other
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
subjects
Add a comma
subjects,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in other subjects. Consider adding a comma.

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they learn history , culture and customs and other things too which will aid them to make a successful career because extra
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

teach them emotional expression and social skills which have low
chancess
Correct your spelling
chances
chance

If you don’t want chancess to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

for
fruitful
Add an article
a fruitful

The noun phrase fruitful result seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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result. To recapitulate,
school
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

plays a pivotal role and adding Informal
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

taught them innovation and creativity
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills

It seems that skill may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

have
Wrong verb form
having

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb have. Consider changing it.

show examples
holistic development.Though it only makes kids all-rounder but have
low
Add an article
a low

The noun phrase low chance seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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chance
to get
Change preposition
of getting

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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successful.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents both sides of the argument regarding arts and its role in the school curriculum. However, ensure clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
While making your arguments, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This would strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
While you have included an introduction and conclusion, enhancing these sections with more detailed insights or summaries will help in making your essay more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets the stage for the main topic effectively, providing a general outlook on the importance of arts in the school curriculum.
logical structure
You offer a balanced view by discussing both the positive impacts of arts in education and potential drawbacks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Creative thinking
  • All-round development
  • Holistic approach
  • Curriculum enhancement
  • Innovative thinking
  • Emotional expression
  • Social skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Interdisciplinary learning
  • Balanced growth
  • Artistic endeavors
  • Experimental learning
What to do next:
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