IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the contemporary
world
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, it is a fact that imported
products
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 have become demonstrably more prevalent in supermarkets, extending buyers’ options from all over the
world
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. In my opinion,
this
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 trend offers a number of significant benefits, which I will explain in detail in the succeeding paragraphs. First and foremost, expanding the
food
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 assortment to foreign
products
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 potentially leads to better health for citizens living in those areas. When there are more available
products
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 for consumers, they have more choices to diversify their dishes.
This
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 improvement translates to a better
flavor
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flavour
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 to trigger all family members to have a better taste.
Moreover
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, a variety of foods
also
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 provide more nutritious meals, improving their balanced diet, especially
with
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in
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 some
countries
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 that do not have suitable natural conditions to supply sufficient
food
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 for themselves.
For instance
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, in the past, in some frozen areas in Canada, they only could sustain themselves based on dry
food
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 or some kind of fish they could catch in that season, leading to the lack of several kinds of essential vitamins and increasing the risk of facing weaker immune systems. Now, with the ease of importing
food
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 from other
countries
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, they can now more easily
fulfill
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fulfil
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 a sufficient diet throughout the year with foreign supplement
food
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 which
are
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is
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 not able to be produced in their national land. Apparently, prevalent foreign
food
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products
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in
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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supermarket shelves
shows
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show
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 the benefits to
the
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apply
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overall
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 human health
over
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all over
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 the
world
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.
Moreover
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, the rise in selling and buying imported foods is a positive factor propelling the economy for export
countries
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 or companies. Increasing demand from international markets helps them expand their potential consumer base, which will result in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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growth in their sales revenue and even in profit.
This
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 may be followed by a higher job vacancy in
this
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 industry and
decrease
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a decrease
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the
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in the
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 unemployment rate.
Furthermore
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, if a rise in exports is enough to keep
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive trade balance, it can boost that country’s GDP. Eventually,
this
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 is a good chance for many nations to push their economy to grow faster and at the same time enhance their social issues relating to employment. In conclusion, the trend in which more and more people can buy
food
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products
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over
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all over
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 the
world
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 from their close supermarket shelves is undeniably beneficial to not only the
citizen
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citizens
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 living in that area in
term
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terms
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 of standard of living and health, but
also
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 to the export
countries
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, when they have a better chance to improve their GDP and employment rate.

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task achievement
The essay presents a complete and relevant response to the task, addressing both positive benefits for consumers and economic advantages for exporting countries. However, the essay could be further strengthened by addressing potential drawbacks or counterarguments to provide a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
While the ideas are clear and comprehensive, some sentences are quite complex and could benefit from simplification to improve clarity. Additionally, revising sentences to avoid redundancy would make the writing more concise.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay. However, linking words and phrases could be more varied to enhance the overall cohesiveness and flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding a few transitional phrases and connectors to ensure smooth flow between paragraphs and ideas. This can help guide the reader naturally through the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
task achievement
The essay uses a variety of relevant examples to support the main points, particularly the example about Canada and its food supply, which adds depth to the argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
What to do next:
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