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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Technological development in earlier times brought more changes to the life of ordinary people then recent technological development have brought? Do you agree or disagree

#development #times #changes #life #people
Technological improvement in previous days brought significant changes to the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of common
people
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 current technological evaluation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 brought
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain both sides and give examples
in
Change preposition
of
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 the same idea.
Initially
,there was technological development in
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 days which was convenient in that days for
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people
.
Moreover
,
people
 like changes not only in themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
some how
Correct your spelling
somehow
show examples
 in
technology
 as well.
For example
, in
old
Correct article usage
the old
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 generation there was
technology
 but limited and not
advanced
Rephrase
as advanced
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 as it is now, they faced many problems which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 difficult to solve
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 many
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 and risks to
implement
Wrong verb form
implementing
show examples
 that device or machine and many
people
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 injured and some of them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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died.
Secondly
, nowadays, it is important to walk with the developed society or you will be left behind in
technology
.
Furthermore
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 are
developming
Correct your spelling
developing
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 it is fundamental to change ourselves as well.
For instance
, most
people
 like shopping, the
technology
 made it easier where you can do multiple tasks
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 one time, like, cooking, buying clothes, booking tickets to travel, etc, all that
togather
Correct your spelling
together
 with the help of
technology
.On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand the latest
technology
 presented to the world called IA,
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 language between
humen
Correct your spelling
humans
 and
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,where you can operate it in any way you want without
humen
Correct your spelling
humans
interfere
Wrong verb form
interfering
show examples
 and its significant change in
humen hestory
Correct your spelling
human history
.
Therefore
 many
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 trying to improve and do more research on it,and
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have
ability
Change the article
the ability
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 to control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Artificial intelligence
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can rule the world. In other
wards
Correct your spelling
words
show examples
, many big companies
higher
Correct your spelling
hire
show examples
 the best
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
 and
master
Correct article usage
a master
show examples
 in AI. In conclusion,
indoubtedly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 the new
advaned
Correct your spelling
advanced
technology
 is more superior than the old one.
Submitted by ismailalmarri0 on

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task achievement
The essay should have a more specific thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline the position taken.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has one clear main idea supported by examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Sentences should be clearer and more concise to improve readability. This can be achieved by avoiding run-on sentences and using more straightforward syntax.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide a response to both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a willingness to engage with the prompt comprehensively.
task achievement
Some relevant examples are provided to support the points being made, showing an effort to ground the argument in realistic scenarios.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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