Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opin

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
days,
sports
players may have a high
salary
compared to those who are working in other fields.
While
many
people
think it
Add a missing verb
is reseasonable
show examples
reseasonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
, others believe it is a sort of underestimating
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
many other professions. In my opinion, both views are right as rather than caring about
sports
players
Change noun form
players'
player's
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, we should think about improving other professions' salaries. On the one hand, many proponents emphasize that
sports
palyer
Correct your spelling
player
earn
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
amount of
maney
Correct your spelling
money
as a
compinsation
Correct your spelling
compensation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their short journey. As the player's career may end early
due to
an injury or because of
noticeable
Add an article
a noticeable
show examples
decrease in their
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
, many
people
agree that they need to have great deals and gain more money to be able to manage their future life.
Furthermore
, they notice that to
preforme
Correct your spelling
perform
well in your sport, you may be restricted by particular rules and diets, and not be able to enjoy your life like the others.
For example
, many
socceer
Correct your spelling
soccer
player
Change to a plural noun
players
show examples
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
not eat what they want, to avoid obesity which may end their career.
On the other hand
, many
people
believe that despite players' short journey still the amount of money they take is unreasonable and unfair to other
works'
Change noun form
works
show examples
sectors. They argue that
prfessionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
in other industries have rescued their life and time to be
god
Correct your spelling
good
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
what they are doing, and
also
they
desirve
Correct your spelling
deserve
desire
compansition
Correct your spelling
competition
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
what they are doing to be able to thrive more.
For instance
, many doctors study
nearly
Change preposition
for nearly
show examples
12 years to be
specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
show examples
, and yet they do not get the same
salary
as the
sports
palyers
Correct your spelling
players
.
In addition
, they believe other workers like doctors or engineers are trying to help their nations to be better rather than taking their time by watching
sports
. In conclusion, whether
people
believe that it is
injustice
Add an article
an injustice
the injustice
show examples
that
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
earn money more than
other worker
Change the wording
another worker
other workers
show examples
in other
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
or not, I think we should focus more on increasing other
fields
Change noun form
fields'
field's
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, so they will be
compinsated
Correct your spelling
compensated
like
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
workers.
Submitted by okalqusay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
There are several spelling and grammatical errors in your essay that sometimes obscure meaning. For example, 'socceer' should be 'soccer,' 'palyer' should be 'player,' 'preforme' should be 'perform,' and 'compinsation' should be 'compensation.' It's essential to proofread your essay to correct these errors.
coherence
To improve coherence, make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases. Currently, your essay mostly uses 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' and 'for instance.' Adding more linking phrases like 'furthermore,' 'in contrast,' or 'moreover' would help improve the flow of ideas.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that each idea clearly supports your argument. Some of your points are somewhat jumbled and could be better organized. For example, the point about athletes' physical restrictions could be placed better in the context of discussing their sacrifices.
task response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a key component of a balanced discussion. This demonstrates a good task response.
coherence
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay effectively. This is a strong aspect of coherence and cohesion.
task response
The example about doctors studying for 12 years before becoming specialists is effective and relevant. It helps to strengthen your argument and shows a clear understanding of the issue.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: