Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opin
In these
days, Change preposition
These
sports
players may have a high salary
compared to those who are working in other fields. While
many people
think it Add a missing verb
is reseasonable
reseasonable
, others believe it is a sort of underestimating Correct your spelling
reasonable
to
many other professions. In my opinion, both views are right as rather than caring about Change preposition
of
sports
players
Change noun form
players'
player's
salary
, we should think about improving other professions' salaries.
On the one hand, many proponents emphasize that Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
sports
palyer
earn Correct your spelling
player
great
amount of Add an article
a great
maney
as a Correct your spelling
money
compinsation
Correct your spelling
compensation
to
their short journey. As the player's career may end early Change preposition
for
due to
an injury or because of noticeable
decrease in their Add an article
a noticeable
preformance
, many Correct your spelling
performance
people
agree that they need to have great deals and gain more money to be able to manage their future life. Furthermore
, they notice that to preforme
well in your sport, you may be restricted by particular rules and diets, and not be able to enjoy your life like the others. Correct your spelling
perform
For example
, many socceer
Correct your spelling
soccer
player
Change to a plural noun
players
should
Verb problem
apply
can
not eat what they want, to avoid obesity which may end their career.
Remove a modal verb
apply
On the other hand
, many people
believe that despite players' short journey still the amount of money they take is unreasonable and unfair to other works'
sectors. They argue that Change noun form
works
prfessionals
in other industries have rescued their life and time to be Correct your spelling
professionals
god
Correct your spelling
good
on
what they are doing, and Change preposition
at
also
they desirve
Correct your spelling
deserve
desire
compansition
Correct your spelling
competition
on
what they are doing to be able to thrive more.Change preposition
for
For instance
, many doctors study nearly
12 years to be Change preposition
for nearly
specialist
, and yet they do not get the same Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
salary
as the sports
palyers
. Correct your spelling
players
In addition
, they believe other workers like doctors or engineers are trying to help their nations to be better rather than taking their time by watching sports
.
In conclusion, whether people
believe that it is injustice
that Add an article
an injustice
the injustice
player
earn money more than Fix the agreement mistake
players
other worker
in other Change the wording
another worker
other workers
profession
or not, I think we should focus more on increasing other Fix the agreement mistake
professions
fields
Change noun form
fields'
field's
salary
, so they will be Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
compinsated
like Correct your spelling
compensated
sport
workers.Change the noun form
sports
Submitted by okalqusay on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
There are several spelling and grammatical errors in your essay that sometimes obscure meaning. For example, 'socceer' should be 'soccer,' 'palyer' should be 'player,' 'preforme' should be 'perform,' and 'compinsation' should be 'compensation.' It's essential to proofread your essay to correct these errors.
coherence
To improve coherence, make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases. Currently, your essay mostly uses 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' and 'for instance.' Adding more linking phrases like 'furthermore,' 'in contrast,' or 'moreover' would help improve the flow of ideas.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that each idea clearly supports your argument. Some of your points are somewhat jumbled and could be better organized. For example, the point about athletes' physical restrictions could be placed better in the context of discussing their sacrifices.
task response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a key component of a balanced discussion. This demonstrates a good task response.
coherence
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay effectively. This is a strong aspect of coherence and cohesion.
task response
The example about doctors studying for 12 years before becoming specialists is effective and relevant. It helps to strengthen your argument and shows a clear understanding of the issue.