Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opin

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In these
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These
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days,
sports
players may have a high
salary
compared to those who are working in other fields.
While
many
people
think it
Add a missing verb
is reseasonable
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reseasonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
, others believe it is a sort of underestimating
to
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of
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many other professions. In my opinion, both views are right as rather than caring about
sports
players
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players'
player's
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salary
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salaries
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, we should think about improving other professions' salaries. On the one hand, many proponents emphasize that
sports
palyer
Correct your spelling
player
earn
great
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a great
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amount of
maney
Correct your spelling
money
as a
compinsation
Correct your spelling
compensation
to
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for
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their short journey. As the player's career may end early
due to
an injury or because of
noticeable
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a noticeable
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decrease in their
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
, many
people
agree that they need to have great deals and gain more money to be able to manage their future life.
Furthermore
, they notice that to
preforme
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perform
well in your sport, you may be restricted by particular rules and diets, and not be able to enjoy your life like the others.
For example
, many
socceer
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soccer
player
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players
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should
Verb problem
apply
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can
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apply
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not eat what they want, to avoid obesity which may end their career.
On the other hand
, many
people
believe that despite players' short journey still the amount of money they take is unreasonable and unfair to other
works'
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works
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sectors. They argue that
prfessionals
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professionals
in other industries have rescued their life and time to be
god
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good
show examples
on
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at
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what they are doing, and
also
they
desirve
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deserve
desire
compansition
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competition
on
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for
show examples
what they are doing to be able to thrive more.
For instance
, many doctors study
nearly
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for nearly
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12 years to be
specialist
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specialists
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, and yet they do not get the same
salary
as the
sports
palyers
Correct your spelling
players
.
In addition
, they believe other workers like doctors or engineers are trying to help their nations to be better rather than taking their time by watching
sports
. In conclusion, whether
people
believe that it is
injustice
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an injustice
the injustice
show examples
that
player
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players
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earn money more than
other worker
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another worker
other workers
show examples
in other
profession
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professions
show examples
or not, I think we should focus more on increasing other
fields
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fields'
field's
show examples
salary
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salaries
show examples
, so they will be
compinsated
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compensated
like
sport
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sports
show examples
workers.
Submitted by okalqusay on

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grammar
There are several spelling and grammatical errors in your essay that sometimes obscure meaning. For example, 'socceer' should be 'soccer,' 'palyer' should be 'player,' 'preforme' should be 'perform,' and 'compinsation' should be 'compensation.' It's essential to proofread your essay to correct these errors.
coherence
To improve coherence, make sure to use a wider range of linking words and phrases. Currently, your essay mostly uses 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' and 'for instance.' Adding more linking phrases like 'furthermore,' 'in contrast,' or 'moreover' would help improve the flow of ideas.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that each idea clearly supports your argument. Some of your points are somewhat jumbled and could be better organized. For example, the point about athletes' physical restrictions could be placed better in the context of discussing their sacrifices.
task response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a key component of a balanced discussion. This demonstrates a good task response.
coherence
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay effectively. This is a strong aspect of coherence and cohesion.
task response
The example about doctors studying for 12 years before becoming specialists is effective and relevant. It helps to strengthen your argument and shows a clear understanding of the issue.
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