IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that drivers should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#cars #increases #money #road #systems #people #government #drivers #costs
The expenditure on the
road
 system has become one of the hotly debated topics that divided opinions,
due to
 the increase of the quantity of cars recently. Many people think
this
 is the accountability of the
government
,
while
 others consider that it is an individual role to pay for it. From my perspective, the
government
 bears responsibility for improving
road
 traffic. On the one hand, the construction of the
road
 system requires a large amount of money which can exceed the
government
’s financial capabilities sometimes. So
citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 participation plays a crucial role in
this
 process, especially the drivers who primarily benefit from
this
.
Moreover
, most people seem to pay more attention to what they spend money on,
this
 could give rise to their awareness about protecting and preserving these facilities, not
to damage
Change the verb form
damaging
show examples
 them.
On the other hand
, there is no doubt that it is the
government
’s responsibility to uphold and enhance the
road
 infrastructure.
Because
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 is not only for the living standards of citizens but
also
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 development of the economy. In fact, roads are key features for facilitating commerce, trade and tourism contributing to the prosperity of the nation, laying the foundation for numerous other fields to develop.
Moreover
, by using tax for the building and maintenance of streets, the governing bodies could ensure that all individuals could access a safe and convenient transport system. In conclusion,
although
 the
government
 or the driver funding are both important for public facilities, I am of the opinion that the
government
 should cover these issues' budget
according to
 their role and obligation.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

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task achievement
Your introduction succinctly sets the stage for the discussion and clearly states your own viewpoint. To further enhance your response, consider including more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, and each paragraph deals with a specific aspect of the topic. The transitions between paragraphs are smooth, but varying your linking phrases could improve the overall flow.
task achievement
While your main points are adequately supported, adding more specific examples and elaborating on them could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, providing a clear framework for your discussion.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument fairly and provided your own opinion in a clear and concise manner.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is focused and relevant to the topic, contributing to a coherent and cohesive essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equitable access
  • public service
  • comprehensive planning
  • financial burden
  • user-pay principle
  • traffic congestion
  • encourage sustainable transportation
  • fair distribution of costs
  • direct benefit
  • road taxes
  • tolls
  • revenue
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