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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Boys are mostly influenced by their fathers while girls tend to get influenced by their mothers. Do you agree or disagree

The massive responsibility of leading
children
Use synonyms
 toward the right path in their lives lies on the shoulders of
parents
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some opine that girls are more likely to take a look at their mothers as role models in their lives, and boys usually tend to follow their fathers, in my view, there is nothing about
gender
Use synonyms
 to do with becoming a role model for others.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination is a thing of the past. To clarify, gone are the days when
children
Use synonyms
 used to place a high value on their
parents
Use synonyms
 differently. In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to spend their time with those who feel more comfortable, and they are like-minded with them
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
show examples
 than focusing on people's
gender
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, I usually prefer to receive effective advice from my father, since he understands me much better compared to my mother.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having the same interests goes a long way.
Children
Use synonyms
 usually tend to imitate one of their
parents
Use synonyms
 who has the same interests, since they can find their path much easily when they have someone who thinks just like them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, thanks to social media, there is an increasing trend among new generations to follow their
parents
Use synonyms
 who have the opposite
gender
Use synonyms
 from them. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can get familiar with the world of the other sex, which can lead to raising tolerance and peace among pupils because they have the chance to get along well with different genders. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 a minority of society still believes a vast difference between the two genders when they want to be led by their
parents
Use synonyms
, in my view, it is a matter of interest and attitude, not a matter of sex.

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improvement
Make your main idea clear at the start and restate it in the end.
improvement
Give more specific examples to prove your point.
improvement
Use short, simple sentences and easy links to connect ideas.
strength
You show a view that goes against gender bias.
strength
You try to discuss both sides and use some examples.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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