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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today people are choosing to have fewer children. Why is this the cause? What are the effects of this trend on the society?

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Historically, wealthy, royal and religious
families
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 tend to have many children, which made them have an expansion, bigger support and a good example for society. During that time only men had to
work
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the woman's duty was a home. Nowadays, with the equality of human rights, ladies have chosen to
work
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 the same amount of hours as gentlemen,
therefore
Linking Words
 ending up not having time for raising children or consequentially wanting them.
This
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 causes a rapid drop in society's population
as well as
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 a decline in the union of
families
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 as a fundamental attribute, which before represented our ancestors as a main purpose in
life
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. In turn, people do not recognise that as a main goal in their lives anymore. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline the advantages and disadvantages the reasons for not having kids and how it affects society. The most important in
life
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 is family,
that is
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 what our grandparents told us, but it seems not the case anymore. The good side of the fact is that girls can
work
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, study what they want, pursue any career, have freedom of choice, and more time spent caring for themselves and making strong friendships makes their
life
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 more fulfilling, but does it make them happy? On the other side, statistically, Femina who has not started a family before 35 will never have kids, as mentally or naturally she would not be able to strike for that and indeed end up being unhappy
at the end
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 of her
life
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.
Therefore
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, enjoying themselves but understanding the fact of what it takes should concern us.
This
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 impacts preposterously on people,
such
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 as men do not
work
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 that hard anymore, as primarily parents did not teach them to be ready in the future to take care of family.
Additionally
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, women are no longer trying to learn how to be mothers, support husbands or what it is like in family
life
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.
Therefore
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, many
families
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 getting divorced or have an increasingly toxic relationship.
Furthermore
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, in those
families
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, offspring develop early depression or develop the bad habits of drinking or smoking and remain in that pain for decades.
Moreover
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, nowadays people can change any gender which they like, what destroys most of their relationship with their relatives or friends, but even worse in the long run with themselves. To summarise all the above , the most important in
life
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 remains the ancestor's values. But what we can do to save them? One of the most important things is to learn how important family is in schools,
therefore
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 if the governments in every country will provide
this
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 as an undoubtedly undeniable principle,
then
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 kids will have that in mind forever. Of course, the other important fact that we have not to forget is the effect of not doing it and as it has been mentioned it does have an impact on us and our
life
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.

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task achievement
Try to maintain a more formal and academic tone throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ensure all your main points are directly relevant to the essay question.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points and illustrate your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure each paragraph has one main idea.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overloading your essay with multiple aspects within one paragraph which can harm its coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains both an introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides a fairly complete response to the question, addressing both the causes and effects of having fewer children in contemporary society.
task achievement
You point out some relevant societal changes, such as gender equality and women’s career aspirations, which show a good understanding of the subject.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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