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Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Thanks to financial concerns, we all face challenges on a daily basis.
However
,
while
 some believe that accepting bad situations is the best choice, I agree with those who feel that we should try hard and do our best to turn obstacles into opportunities. On the one hand, it can be argued that accepting undesired happens helps us. Those who support
this
 idea claim that
problems
 can be solved when they are ignored and they should continue their lives without any hesitation.
Consequently
, people find their issues that are addressed
while
 they do nothing.
Moreover
, it is said that overcoming bad things,
such
 as low income, environmental concerns, and
problems
 with jobs, might be out of control. If people try to handle issues that are not exactly related to them, they might be frustrated and upset. Take,
for example
, the high inflation rate in most countries, which is not of most people's business.
On the other hand
, I believe there are more arguments to suggest that keeping going and never giving up are the primary incentives to improve the situation. One factor is that when you decide to change the situation, it helps you to become more organized in solving
problems
 whenever they come.
Furthermore
, in my opinion, the most helpful way to have a peaceful mind in hard situations would be to encourage yourself to work as hard as you can.
As a result
, if you don't have any motivation for living and improving your life level, you should have hope to tackle the
problems
. In conclusion,
although
 accepting situations allows you to stay away from anxiety and stress, working hard makes you have more disciplined daily routines.
Therefore
, on balance, I strongly believe that we should never give up.
Submitted by mohamadhoseinvaeedi on

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Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable and persuasive to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly introduces the key point it will cover and sticks to that point for smooth transitions.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints as required by the task, providing a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively set up and summarize the main points of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument that persevering through challenges can lead to personal growth and better organization is well-articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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