IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of stores which closed and opened in one country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2011 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 which were opened was more than
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
 of stores
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
 closed,
while
Linking Words
 in 2018 the proportion of
shops
Use synonyms
 that were closed was more than the proportion of
shops
Use synonyms
 that were opened. As can be seen, in 2011 there were about 8500
shops
Use synonyms
 which were closed,
while
Linking Words
 the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opened was roughly 6500. Evidently, there was a significant decrease in
shops
Use synonyms
 were opened which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
4000 in 2012. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opened
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 steadily
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6000 from 2012 to 2014,
however
Linking Words
 the figure of
shops
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
closed fluctuated which dropped
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 approximately 6500. In 2016 the
number
Use synonyms
 of stores
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opened and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
shops
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
closed was 4000 and just more than 5000, respectively. At the report ends, it displays both sectors have lower digits as compared to
first year
Add a hyphen
first-year
show examples
 data.
Submitted by arminafkhami on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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