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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table presents the information about the sales figures of books, novels and magazines in one local bookstore in the UK for January 2010.

The table presents the information about the sales figures of books, novels and magazines in one local bookstore in the UK for January 2010.
The table presents
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the
sales
Use synonyms
 figures of
books
Use synonyms
,
novels
Use synonyms
 and
magazines
Use synonyms
 in one local bookstore in the UK for January 2010.
According to
Linking Words
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 figure of non-members, comprising
sales
Use synonyms
 to
books
Use synonyms
,
novels
Use synonyms
 and
magazines
Use synonyms
, adults
brought
Correct your spelling
bought
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magazines
Use synonyms
 more than
other
Correct word choice
apply
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any other groups of customers which accounted for 1250
magazines
Use synonyms
,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by students with 330
magazines
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 44
books
Use synonyms
 were sold to students more than adults with 30
books
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, no book was sold to seniors, they purchased 124
novels
Use synonyms
 and 80
magazines
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, Bookshop members bought more
books
Use synonyms
 and
novels
Use synonyms
 than non-members
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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, accounting for 70 and 942, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 39
magazines
Use synonyms
 were sold to bookshop members, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 fewer than any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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customers. In conclusion, the total number of publications sold in January 2010 was 3134. On
this
Linking Words
 figure, 144 items were
books
Use synonyms
 and 1291 items were
novels
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
magazines
Use synonyms
 accounted for the greatest number of
sales
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
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 1699.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, books, novels, magazines with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "presents" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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