IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that housing facilities should be built in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while others believe that parks should be set instead. Planting trees is very important for the environment. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #facilities #areas #cities #towns #parks #trees #environment
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Some individuals believe that housing should be constructed in the empty
areas
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 of cities and towns.
However
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, others agree that
instead
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 there should be parks building housing
facilities
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 in free
areas
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 that have less damage planting trees which is crucial for the
environment
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. I would agree that we should not dwell in vacant
areas
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 .
This
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 essay will explain why there should be no construction efforts in unoccupied
areas
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.
To begin
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 with, In the vacant
areas
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, there should be building reception
facilities
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 because these buildings have devastating outcomes for the
environment
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 by hurting plants or green
areas
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.
Besides
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 that, making parks that children enjoy which have fewer drawbacks to the
environment
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 plays a vital role in protecting the
environment
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.
Moreover
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, housing
facilities
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 in empty
areas
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 in cities or towns may have an effect on the habitats of animals and plants. So, the biocycle is adversely affected.
For instance
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, in the Amazons the was a massive construction project undertaking that damaged a plethora of green
areas
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 and caused
from
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apply
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the extinction of many species.
Thus
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, housing should not allowed in free
areas
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 that destroy the
environment
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.
Furthermore
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, protecting the habitats of plants and animals is important for the country's richness which promotes more tourism activities.
For example
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, when I visited Uganda , I was surprised by the variety of species and animals in
this
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 country, and I believe that countries willing to preserve their
environment
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 should taken into account for my excellent experiences in
this
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 country. In conclusion,
although
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 some may support housing
facilities
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 in the vacant
areas
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 of towns or cities, I agree that it will result in the destruction of plant and animal habitats and lead to environmental impairment. I would recommend building parks that both children enjoy and have few effects on the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your argument is clearly presented and easy to follow. Some sentences could be rephrased for better clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your argument. This will make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to make your essay more polished. Some sentences are grammatically incorrect or awkwardly phrased.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and offers relevant points regarding the importance of parks and the drawbacks of constructing housing in vacant areas.
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