People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is a
people
sleep less. It is undeniable that sleeping has become an essential part of our life. Because sleep is needed for our health and organisms.
One of the main causes of sleep less
is Correct your spelling
loss
a
stress. Remove the article
apply
People
with many think
in mind can’t sleep because they think a Correct your spelling
things
lot
. But at night brain
needs to relax. Correct article usage
the brain
People
who think a lot
Add the preposition
lot of
worries
about simple things. Fix the agreement mistake
worry
For example
bed is not comfortable or much
comfortable, bright light, noise, Fix the agreement mistake
apply
hot
or cold Correct word choice
and hot
it’s
all things Verb problem
are
Correct pronoun usage
that obstructed
obstructed
Wrong verb form
obstruct
to
sleep.
The second cause that might be noted,in my view is Change preposition
apply
active
lifestyle where Add an article
an active
people
have many hobbies or work
. It means that people
have in one day two’s or lot
of hobbies with Add an article
a lot
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
work
. As a
result
they don’t have any Add a comma
result,
time
for sleep and they have sleep problems. For instance
, people
in Japan work
in
a day 18 hours and they don’t have Change preposition
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
time
for sleep. Because they think about they’ve
future and do anything to earn money to be happy. Nowadays when technology has developed Correct your spelling
their
people
spend a lot
of time
on the Internet
. His work
in Correct article usage
the internet
internet
and he sending with family or friends by using Capitalize word
Internet
Add an article
the internet
internet
. It’s Capitalize word
Internet
mean
that many Replace the word
means
people
can scroll the internet
without realising time
passage which they using electronic devices for a long Correct article usage
the time
time
.
The effect of this
has been and will continue to be very seriously
. If Change the word
serious
people
don’t sleep it can have serious problems on mental health. For
example
stress, depression,Add a comma
example,
Correct word choice
and aggressive
aggressive
Replace the word
aggression
happen
Change the verb form
happens
due to
sleeping less .If a person is always aggressive, it will affect other people
in the environment, such
as family, and they will also
be in a bad moods
Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to Fix the agreement mistake
mood
a
conclusion that Correct article usage
the
people
should sleep as much as their organism requires, as it recovers while
sleeping.Submitted by dnm.best on
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coherence cohesion
Work on making your main points clearer and more comprehensive. Smoother transitions between points can improve the reader’s understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Illustrative examples make your reasoning more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay. Each paragraph should link logically with the next, and all should support the overall argument cohesively.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task, discussing the reasons behind less sleep nowadays and the effects on individuals and those around them.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to support your points with examples, which helps in clarifying your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a structure to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.