IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them

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Nowadays, more and more young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study and work in the urban. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 is a shortage of opportunity in rural areas. Of course, the live in the
cities
Use synonyms
 has a lot of advantages
then
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 disadvantages.
Firstly
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, we will discuss about availability of education in urban. Many qualified schools and prestigious universities are located in big
cities
Use synonyms
.
Also
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, a significant amount of government grants and scholarships
allocate
Wrong verb form
are allocated
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for
Change preposition
to
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 student from rural areas
for
Change preposition
to
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popularization
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popularise
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of
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apply
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education and increase their knowledge.
Undoubtful
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
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, a quality education is a huge advantage of
cities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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easier
Correct word choice
apply
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to find good teachers and professors in the
cities
Use synonyms
 and
do
Correct your spelling
due
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 to that they build
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 in urban. Turning to the other side of the argument let's discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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work in big
cities
Use synonyms
. As we mentioned earlier
the
Correct article usage
apply
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huge companies usually are located in
cities
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. And as
usual
Add a comma
usual,
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 they need a lot of manpower to develop business. Many job offers can be found in
cities
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 with high salaries. Surely
this
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 is one of
big
Add an article
the big
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 advantages.
For example
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,
to
Replace the word
too
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 many huge factories and experiencing a shortage
off
Replace the word
of
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personal
Replace the word
personnel
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not to mention
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a small companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
small companies
a small company
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 in the city. They come up with a new idea and programs to entice the people
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
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 to give
thema
Correct your spelling
them
 good conditions of work and high salaries. But
also
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, the selection process for
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 companies
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 strict and complex. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
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apply
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, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. Of course, there is a bag side to everything.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your thesis and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help set expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader through your arguments. This can enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples and details to support your points, as this will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
You offer a good understanding of the topic and discuss both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
You make use of relevant vocabulary throughout your essay, which helps convey your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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