IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them

#people #reason #effects #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that many individuals sleep considerably less than those people did in the former times. It is undeniable that sleepless nights have become an essential part of our life. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will look at what kind of reasons it is,
examine
Correct word choice
and examine
show examples
factors
Correct article usage
the factors
show examples
 responsible for
this
 situation. One of the main causes of school programs,
exam
Add a missing verb
is exam
show examples
 workload which would be harder day by day. It is a result of a significant amount of state of affairs in which students drove themselves to exhaustion without any realising. The second cause that might be noted, in my view, is those appendices
as well as
 "TikTok" which is famous among teenagers and , of course, "Instagram"
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is well-known with
also
 teenagers but more among adults (just about 25-35 years old).
Additionally
 on the internet the appendix
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 "Wildberries" which
also
 started to gain momentum recently.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 these applications take away all our
time
 how we all know especially at night. The first case mentioned above has led to insomnia undeniably and
also
 has led to problems
as well as
 exhaustion, going down concentration,
deteriorating
Correct word choice
and deteriorating
show examples
 immunity. That all provoked health problems that could decline our lifestyle. Another problem that follows is
that waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
show examples
time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using some
not so useful
Add a hyphen
not-so-useful
show examples
 approaches as TikTok which we have already mentioned.
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 of the consequence is wasting our priceless
time
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 many people don't realise that those times would never come to us. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that it is absolutely true that we spend less
time
. So it would not be surprising to see some health issues, of course as insomnia in the near future.
In other words
, those global obstacles might happen and we should be ready to bear all the subsequence of that.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear idea to improve logical structure and coherence. Avoid frequent shifts in topics within a single paragraph.
task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with specific examples and evidence. This will help to make your arguments more convincing.
language use
Check for minor language inaccuracies and inconsistencies, such as problems with article use, pluralization, and verb forms. While they do not detract significantly from your score, addressing them can improve overall clarity.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the essay well.
task achievement
You identify multiple causes and effects, showing a good understanding of the topic and providing breadth to your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: