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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart given showed the participation
number
Use synonyms
 of adults in
thousands
Use synonyms
 in two years: 1997 and 2017 from various major sports in an area. It can be seen that Tennis has
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest percentage both in 1997 and 2017
while
Linking Words
 Basketball showed the lowest percentage. Tennis has shown a 50
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 in 1997 and its
number
Use synonyms
 rose in 2017 to 55
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
. Following the data
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Tennis, there is Football and Rugby
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 almost similar
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 Footbal
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 around 30
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1997, Rubgy
also
Linking Words
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 more than 30
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
, approximately 32
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in that year. Meanwhile, in 2017 Football
shown
Wrong verb form
was shot
show examples
 to 48
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 and Rugby almost reached 50
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 which was 49. Some major sports
also
Linking Words
 have similar patterns
are
Verb problem
such as
show examples
 Swimming and Golf. Swimming
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
showed
show examples
 the same
number
Use synonyms
 both in 1997 and 2017
while
Linking Words
 Golf has minor differentiation, in 1997 reached 30
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 and in 2017 32
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
. The other sport is Cricket,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
Add a missing verb
has shown
show examples
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 20 years which was 1997 and 2017. In 1997 the
number
Use synonyms
 of Cricket
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
shown
Verb problem
was
show examples
 25
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 and declined to below 10
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 2017.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, thousands with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • increase/decrease in numbers
  • trend
  • decade
  • relatively stable
  • major sports
  • potential reasons
  • contributing factors
  • public interest
  • comparison
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