some people say that music is a good way of bringing poeple of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Music
is an unseprable
part of our lives these days. In fact, many Correct your spelling
inseparable
people
are song-friends
, they only share the Correct your spelling
song friends
music
that they liked
with Wrong verb form
like
eachother
without any Correct your spelling
each other
furtur
words or communication. I believe that Correct your spelling
further
music
is a powerful tool to convey similar interest
and perspectives, it can build Fix the agreement mistake
interests
connection
among Fix the agreement mistake
connections
people
with
different Change preposition
from
age
groups worldwilde
.
First of all, Correct your spelling
worldwide
music
is a universal phenomena
. Many Change the noun form
phenomenon
people
do not care about the language or the nationality of the songs
and they only listen to it because they get a good vibe. So, music
makes connection
which does not need words. The existence of world-class singers can be a good Add an article
a connection
indiaction
of the fact that Correct your spelling
indication
music
can bring poeple
together. Correct your spelling
people
For instance
, I have seen many of my friends listening to spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
songs
, even though they do not get it. Practically, a lot of songs
get viral in this
way.
On the other hand
, music
expresses the
emotions, it can convey Correct article usage
apply
saddness
, happiness, rage or frustration. We are human and we Correct your spelling
sadness
exprience
all these Correct your spelling
experience
feeling
no matter what Replace the word
feelings
at
what Correct word choice
and at
age
. For
example
Being old or young, we would like to dance hearing even an old energetic song Add a comma
example,
in
a party, or we would let out our sorrows listening to a calm and soothing song. So, it can be indicated that Change preposition
at
music
relies on your inner emotions and not your age
.
In conclusion, people
from various nationalities and age
groups can have similar tastes in music
they listen to, they can Correct article usage
the music
benifit
from international Correct your spelling
benefit
songs
and get closer to eachother
.Correct your spelling
each other
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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and typos like 'unseprable' to 'inseparable,' 'indiaction' to 'indication,' 'eachother' to 'each other,' and 'poeple' to 'people.'
examples
Consider adding more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your main points. For instance, including more specific instances of how music has brought people of different cultures and ages together in real-life scenarios would strengthen your argument.
structure
Your essay would benefit from a clearer organization of ideas. Although your main points are relevant, consider structuring each paragraph so that a single idea is fully explained before moving onto the next point. Use transition words and phrases to connect your points more effectively.
conclusion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
content
You have made some good points about how music transcends language and conveys emotions that can bring people together, regardless of age or culture.
content
Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite