some people say that music is a good way of bringing poeple of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #poeple #cultures #ages

Music

is an

unseprable

Correct your spelling

inseparable

part of our lives these days. In fact, many

people

are

song-friends

Correct your spelling

song friends

show examples

, they only share the

music

that they

liked

Wrong verb form

show examples

with

eachother

Correct your spelling

each other

without any

furtur

Correct your spelling

further

words or communication. I believe that

music

is a powerful tool to convey similar

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

and perspectives, it can build

connection

Fix the agreement mistake

connections

show examples

among

people

with

Change preposition

from

show examples

different

age

groups

worldwilde

Correct your spelling

worldwide

. First of all,

music

is a universal

phenomena

Change the noun form

phenomenon

show examples

. Many

people

do not care about the language or the nationality of the

songs

and they only listen to it because they get a good vibe. So,

music

makes

connection

Add an article

a connection

show examples

which does not need words. The existence of world-class singers can be a good

indiaction

Correct your spelling

indication

of the fact that

music

can bring

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

together.

For instance

, I have seen many of my friends listening to

spanish

Change the capitalization

Spanish

show examples

songs

, even though they do not get it. Practically, a lot of

songs

get viral in

this

way.

On the other hand

music

expresses

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

emotions, it can convey

saddness

Correct your spelling

sadness

, happiness, rage or frustration. We are human and we

exprience

Correct your spelling

experience

all these

feeling

Replace the word

feelings

show examples

no matter what

Correct word choice

and at

show examples

what

age

For

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

Being old or young, we would like to dance hearing even an old energetic song

Change preposition

show examples

a party, or we would let out our sorrows listening to a calm and soothing song. So, it can be indicated that

music

relies on your inner emotions and not your

age

. In conclusion,

people

from various nationalities and

age

groups can have similar tastes in

music

Correct article usage

the music

show examples

they listen to, they can

benifit

Correct your spelling

benefit

from international

songs

and get closer to

eachother

Correct your spelling

each other

Submitted by TUTOO on Thu Jul 25 2024

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grammar

Try to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and typos like 'unseprable' to 'inseparable,' 'indiaction' to 'indication,' 'eachother' to 'each other,' and 'poeple' to 'people.'

examples

Consider adding more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your main points. For instance, including more specific instances of how music has brought people of different cultures and ages together in real-life scenarios would strengthen your argument.

structure

Your essay would benefit from a clearer organization of ideas. Although your main points are relevant, consider structuring each paragraph so that a single idea is fully explained before moving onto the next point. Use transition words and phrases to connect your points more effectively.

conclusion

You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.

content

You have made some good points about how music transcends language and conveys emotions that can bring people together, regardless of age or culture.

content

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

5.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people say that music is a good way of bringing poeple of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

lnterviews form the basic selecting criteria for most large companies. However, some people think that interview is not a reliable method of choosing whom lo employ and there are other better methods. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people believe it is necessary, but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

Some people think that online reading materials are better for children. Others argues that traditional paper based resources are better. Discuss and give your opinion

Some prefer hobbies that require technology while other people prefer hobbies that don't require technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion.