With the rise of stream online, fewer people go to movie theatre for see films what are advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Increasingly
Correct word choice
As increasingly
show examples
world progress, many social applications are becoming very uncomplicated to use without any problems. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss the benefits and disadvantages of
this
style. My personal perspective is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
new streams are more useful
due to
their abilities. Going to cinemas to watch films
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
been
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
activity in the past.
However
, today, many people want to achieve their wish without any action. Today, many
movie
places
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a lot of limitations
such
as a person may not watch his film whatever he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
. And at the same time, it may
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mood. New online services have all opportunities to watch for
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
.
For example
, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to see a romantic
movie
, it has enough
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
. Visiting
movie
Correct article usage
a movie
show examples
place for watch film takes our full time and energy
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
we may go there provided that we have any kind of food and window shopping and it requires
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a lot of money than
see
Verb problem
apply
show examples
online services. Watching movies online has increased within a decade and
applied
Verb problem
apply
show examples
new technology in order to enhance the clarity of
movie
quality for the fans. But,
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
the flickers from anywhere via devices
such
as smartphones or laptops
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
give us the opportunity to watch our
movie
on a big screen with high definition audio system like
live
Add an article
a live
show examples
movie
theatre. Observing
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
not
gets
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
your full day and you may utilize
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
whatever you want time.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, Nowadays, many people
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
tend to go theatre to watch movies than in the past. I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
many customers have many choices to select and it may be easier to watch online
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides a response to the advantages and disadvantages of streaming services over traditional movie theaters. However, there are some areas where clarity and depth can be improved. Focus on elaborating more on each point with specific examples and clearer explanations.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, enhancing the logical flow and coherence between the paragraphs will make your argument stronger. Using more linking words and phrases will help maintain a smoother flow of ideas.
general
Pay attention to grammatical errors and improve your vocabulary to enhance clarity. This can help in presenting your ideas more clearly and comprehensively.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will not only make your arguments more convincing but also show a better understanding of the topic.
structure
Your introduction presents a clear topic and your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of streaming services, which indicates a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: