Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by other in the same age. This is called peer pressure. Do the disadvantages outweighed the advantages?
You are known by the company you keep most of the
times
. Young generations are affected by the Fix the agreement mistake
time
people
surrounds
them. In my Wrong verb form
surrounding
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
this
is very much true. There are many advantages as well disadvantages
of Correct word choice
as disadvantages
this
influence. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will describe some points to justify it.
First of all, growing people
can easily influence
by the behavior of others and easily Wrong verb form
be influenced
follows
the footsteps of others without realizing the impact of their movements on their Correct subject-verb agreement
follow
life
as well Fix the agreement mistake
lives
on
their families. Correct word choice
as on
For example
, many people
, who spends
Change the verb form
spend
time
in bad
company like, Add an article
a bad
the bad
drugs
addicts Change the noun form
drug
gardually
Correct your spelling
gradually
starts
using those drugs too. They don't consider the side effects of those actions.
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
Secondly
, people
waste lot
of their precious Change the article
a lot
time
in
Change preposition
apply
wondering
outside Correct your spelling
wandering
instead
of taking care of their studies, as there
age is the best Replace the word
their
time
to focus on their studies to make their future better. It's a make or break
Add a hyphen
make-or-break
time
for this
young generation. For instance
, boys play games all day without doing their studies. It will not only effect
their physical but their mental health too. Because everything looks good but Correct your spelling
affect
in
Change preposition
at
their
specific Change the word
a
time
. When it is a
Correct article usage
apply
time
to study they should study or do more creative activities rather than playing games such
as vedio
games.
Correct your spelling
video
On the other hand
, if you
friend circle comprises Change the pronoun
your
of
good and Change preposition
apply
well behaved
Add a hyphen
well-behaved
people
, it will also
help you to gain motivation and do good in your life. Such
as, if you surrounds
yourselves with highly educated and successful Change the verb form
surround
people
with positive mindset
, they will encourage you to be successful too. They will guide you Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
different
ways to achieve Change preposition
in different
succes
and gain your goals.
In conclusion, adults are very much influenced by their surroundings so it is very crucial to Correct your spelling
success
surrounds
yourself with the Change the verb
surround
people
who motivate you and make you a better person than before. Parents should look after their children what
they are doing when they are outside.Correct word choice
and what
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and presents a clear standpoint. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that sometimes obscure your meaning. Consider reviewing your writing for common grammatical issues and awkward sentences.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a structure, some points do not follow logically from each other, and the flow between ideas could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the previous one and to the central question posed in the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be clearly supported by evidence and examples. Currently, some examples are relevant but not developed in enough detail to completely support your points. Try to elaborate more on your examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear thesis statement and sets the stage for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces your thesis.
task achievement
You have included examples to support your points, which is important for task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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