IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

IELTS Writing task 2: In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#ielts #future #earth #people #money #planets
Due to
 the environmental problems that the world is facing nowadays,
people
 argue that in the next years,
people
 will have a difficult time
to survive
Change the verb form
surviving
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Earth. In regard to
this
 matter,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must invest in exploring other terrestrial planets
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 inhabitable and I, mostly agree with
this
.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
NASA's journey to Mars has helped
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 its history
as well as
 its complexity when it comes to elements present in it. The
government funded
Add a hyphen
government-funded
show examples
this
 exploration and
thus
 assumes that
this
 investment is effective for the future of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity. An amount of $1,000,000 has been funded
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 NASA's rover creation and continuously seeking discoveries
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the said planet. The information provided by
this
 research may
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
 that it can be possibly inhabited in the next centuries.
However
, there are many issues in the world
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still reversible. When it comes to environmental issues, the
government
 has many resources to educate the
people
 and create solutions
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 repairing the
distubrances
Correct your spelling
disturbances
disturbance
 that the
people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 caused. There's still time to manage the effects of the environmental destroyers made by the factories. Based
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 studies, the Pacific Ocean has been polluted for about 20% of its total area, and
thus
 many countries residing
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 ocean still have the chance of fixing and reliving to its original state.
Instead
 of utilizing the
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for exploration in the other planets, the
government
 should form a platform funding the managements and agencies for education in solving
this
 problem.
To conclude
, investing in exploring
other planet
Change the wording
another planet
other planets
show examples
 can be helpful in researching our history and origin.
However
, I, generally agree that fixing and facing the problem of the Earth can be more helpful than trying to escape from it.
Submitted by dhowardjacob on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Strengthen topic sentences to clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph, as this will enhance the logical structure of your essay. This helps the reader understand the flow of your argument better.
task achievement
Ensure you maintain consistency in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. For example, 'people will have a difficult time to survive in Earth' should be 'people will have a difficult time surviving on Earth.'
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more varied and complex sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of your essay. This will also help in making your arguments more compelling and sophisticated.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets up the main points of the essay, which is very effective.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples, like NASA's funding and the Pacific Ocean's pollution, to support your ideas. This adds weight to your argument.
introduction conclusion present
You conclude by summarizing your viewpoint and restating your main argument, which helps to reinforce your perspective.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: