IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#life #technology
Before the advent of the latest
technologies
,
life
 was considered better than the present times.
However
, I believe that new
technologies
 have improved our
lives
 in some aspects,
whereas
, some negative impacts on the other parts of
people
's
lives
 have been noticed. With regard to the betterment of
life
, new
technologies
 have brought enormous comforts to living lifestyles,
For example
, a person can do many online tasks
while
 sitting at his home or workplace namely shopping, buying tickets, and paying bills which saves a large proportion of time which can be utilised for so many other important assignments.
Furthermore
, automated appliances,
such
 as washing machines, digital pressure cookers etc., help
people
 to do home chores more conveniently
along with
 their jobs, resulting in, helping to maintain a work and home
life
 balance.
On the other hand
, owing to the development of online social platforms,
for instance
, Facebook, or entertainment channels
such
 as TV shows and other online sites; rather than participating in outdoor activities and getting involved in local communities,
people
 are choosing to spend time in front of TV or computer screens.
Consequently
, bad impacts on health can be seen,
also
, there are no longer closer and more supportive relationships between families and societies leading to situations of feeling isolated, stressed, depressed, and suicidal outcomes have been noticing. In conclusion,
although
, new developments in
this
 contemporary world have improved individuals' living standards which make their
lives
 better, still not proven useful for social
life
 as a whole. Societies and local communities should run some campaigns to create awareness among individual persons about the importance of social
life
 so that they can contribute towards their own personality development and for the
people
 around them, only
then
technologies
 will make present
lives
 better as a whole.
Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Keep this up! However, consider organizing each paragraph more explicitly by ensuring each contains one main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
You have answered the question well and provided a balanced argument. The examples you used are relevant. For even more clarity and impact, try to quantify some examples (for instance, mention specific time savings due to technology).
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, helping to guide the reader through your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: