IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#life #technology
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Before the advent of the latest
technologies
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,
life
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 was considered better than the present times.
However
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, I believe that new
technologies
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 have improved our
lives
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 in some aspects,
whereas
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, some negative impacts on the other parts of
people
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's
lives
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 have been noticed. With regard to the betterment of
life
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, new
technologies
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 have brought enormous comforts to living lifestyles,
For example
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, a person can do many online tasks
while
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 sitting at his home or workplace namely shopping, buying tickets, and paying bills which saves a large proportion of time which can be utilised for so many other important assignments.
Furthermore
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, automated appliances,
such
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 as washing machines, digital pressure cookers etc., help
people
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 to do home chores more conveniently
along with
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 their jobs, resulting in, helping to maintain a work and home
life
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 balance.
On the other hand
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, owing to the development of online social platforms,
for instance
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, Facebook, or entertainment channels
such
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 as TV shows and other online sites; rather than participating in outdoor activities and getting involved in local communities,
people
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 are choosing to spend time in front of TV or computer screens.
Consequently
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, bad impacts on health can be seen,
also
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, there are no longer closer and more supportive relationships between families and societies leading to situations of feeling isolated, stressed, depressed, and suicidal outcomes have been noticing. In conclusion,
although
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, new developments in
this
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 contemporary world have improved individuals' living standards which make their
lives
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 better, still not proven useful for social
life
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 as a whole. Societies and local communities should run some campaigns to create awareness among individual persons about the importance of social
life
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 so that they can contribute towards their own personality development and for the
people
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 around them, only
then
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technologies
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 will make present
lives
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 better as a whole.
Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Keep this up! However, consider organizing each paragraph more explicitly by ensuring each contains one main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
You have answered the question well and provided a balanced argument. The examples you used are relevant. For even more clarity and impact, try to quantify some examples (for instance, mention specific time savings due to technology).
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced and comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, helping to guide the reader through your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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