Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The
phenonmenon
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phenomenon

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of spoon-fed
education
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or cramming
education
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has aroused wide concern around the globe. Whether
children
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have the right to choose what to learn or not has
heat
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hit

The word heat doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the headline.
Te
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The

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advocates believe that learning should be based on
children
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's
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interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests

It seems that interest may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Otherwise
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,
education
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would be
stressing
Replace the word
stressful

The word stressing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and meaningless to
children
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.
However
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, those who stand on an entirely different ground proclaim that it is essential for
children
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to learn different kinds of subjects to ensure that they have basic knowledge in every aspect to fit in
the
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apply

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society
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. I am prone to support the idea that
children
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's
interest
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is the first priority. First of all, never should we overlook the tremendous stress that cramming
education
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has put on
children
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. A striking illustration is the tight schedules of students nowadays.
Everyday
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Every day

The word Everyday may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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, their time is filled with tests and assignments, after school, they are forced to attend different tutorials and
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular

The word extra curricular seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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activities. These are all the "basic subjects" that parents expect their kids to
be acquired
Wrong verb form
acquire

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb be acquired. Consider changing it.

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. Under
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

mind of thinking, it is not difficult to understand why
children
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are experiencing stress and depression at a younger age nowadays. There is no doubt that learning
outcome
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outcomes

It seems that outcome may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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would be maximized when it is fitting into
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests

It seems that interest may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. When they
could
Wrong verb form
can

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb could. Consider changing it.

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learn what they
wished
Wrong verb form
wish

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb wished. Consider changing it.

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, they are more motivated and devoted
into
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the activity. Meanwhile, the role of
educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators

It seems that educator may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and parents is to assist them
to reach
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in reaching

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their
goal
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goals

It seems that goal may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, but not suppress them and ask their
children
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to
fulfill
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fulfil

The spelling of fulfill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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their own desire and
expectatios
Correct your spelling
expectations
expectation

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. Admittedly,
children
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should learn various essential
skills
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to meet the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations

It seems that expectation may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Since
children
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are future pillars of
the
Correct article usage
apply

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society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, we do
no
Correct your spelling
not

The word no doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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wish our kids to be aloof
to
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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what is happening around us.
Otherwise
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it would be a tragedy
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, what
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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meant by "
esential
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essential

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skills
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' should not be focused on
examinnation
Correct your spelling
examination

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skills
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and test results.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should learn about
the
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apply

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social issues and basic
lfe
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life

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skills
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from school. The purpose of
required
Add an article
the required
a required

The noun phrase required subject seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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subject should be
cultivate
Fix the infinitive
to cultivate

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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our teenagers to be independent, critical, and caring. Under
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

mindset, we should let
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
understandthe
Correct your spelling
understand the

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importance
to learn
Change preposition
of learning

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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these knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
this knowledge

It seems that these knowledges may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and arouse their
interest
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

towards these subjects.

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task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the introduction could be stronger by rephrasing the topic more clearly. Additionally, some phrases and sentences are a bit unclear in their meaning, which affects comprehension.
task achievement
Keep an eye on spelling and grammatical errors such as 'enthe', 'fillful', and 'expectatios'. These small mistakes can distract from the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to use smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your argumentation.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. For instance, mentioning specific types of extracurricular activities that add stress to students would make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Clarify some arguments in your paragraphs. For example, when you argue that 'essential skills' should not focus on examination skills, provide clearer reasoning and examples to strengthen the point.
task achievement
You have a clear and well-defined opinion on the topic, and you make an effort to support it with logical arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs and an attempt to introduce and conclude your ideas aptly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation and engagement
  • creativity and individual strengths
  • innovative thinking
  • neglecting essential disciplines
  • fundamental for basic education
  • well-rounded education
  • necessary tools to succeed
  • structured curriculum
  • educational standards and equality
  • foundational knowledge
  • explore their interests
  • essential knowledge
What to do next:
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