IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 of spoon-fed
education
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 or cramming
education
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 has aroused wide concern around the globe. Whether
children
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 have the right to choose what to learn or not has
heat
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hit
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 the headline.
Te
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The
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 advocates believe that learning should be based on
children
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's
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interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
education
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 would be
stressing
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stressful
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 and meaningless to
children
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.
However
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, those who stand on an entirely different ground proclaim that it is essential for
children
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 to learn different kinds of subjects to ensure that they have basic knowledge in every aspect to fit in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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. I am prone to support the idea that
children
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's
interest
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 is the first priority. First of all, never should we overlook the tremendous stress that cramming
education
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 has put on
children
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. A striking illustration is the tight schedules of students nowadays.
Everyday
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Every day
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, their time is filled with tests and assignments, after school, they are forced to attend different tutorials and
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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 activities. These are all the "basic subjects" that parents expect their kids to
be acquired
Wrong verb form
acquire
show examples
. Under
this
Linking Words
 mind of thinking, it is not difficult to understand why
children
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 are experiencing stress and depression at a younger age nowadays. There is no doubt that learning
outcome
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outcomes
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 would be maximized when it is fitting into
children
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's
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interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. When they
could
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can
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 learn what they
wished
Wrong verb form
wish
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, they are more motivated and devoted
into
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to
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 the activity. Meanwhile, the role of
educator
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educators
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 and parents is to assist them
to reach
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in reaching
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 their
goal
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goals
show examples
, but not suppress them and ask their
children
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their own desire and
expectatios
Correct your spelling
expectations
expectation
. Admittedly,
children
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 should learn various essential
skills
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 to meet the
expectation
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expectations
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. Since
children
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 are future pillars of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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, we do
no
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not
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 wish our kids to be aloof
to
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from
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 what is happening around us.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it would be a tragedy
to
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for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
However
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, what
i
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I
show examples
 meant by "
esential
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essential
skills
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' should not be focused on
examinnation
Correct your spelling
examination
skills
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 and test results.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
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 should learn about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social issues and basic
lfe
Correct your spelling
life
skills
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 from school. The purpose of
required
Add an article
the required
a required
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 subject should be
cultivate
Fix the infinitive
to cultivate
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 our teenagers to be independent, critical, and caring. Under
this
Linking Words
 mindset, we should let
children
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 to
understandthe
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understand the
 importance
to learn
Change preposition
of learning
show examples
these knowledges
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this knowledge
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 and arouse their
interest
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 towards these subjects.

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task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the introduction could be stronger by rephrasing the topic more clearly. Additionally, some phrases and sentences are a bit unclear in their meaning, which affects comprehension.
task achievement
Keep an eye on spelling and grammatical errors such as 'enthe', 'fillful', and 'expectatios'. These small mistakes can distract from the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to use smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your argumentation.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. For instance, mentioning specific types of extracurricular activities that add stress to students would make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Clarify some arguments in your paragraphs. For example, when you argue that 'essential skills' should not focus on examination skills, provide clearer reasoning and examples to strengthen the point.
task achievement
You have a clear and well-defined opinion on the topic, and you make an effort to support it with logical arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs and an attempt to introduce and conclude your ideas aptly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation and engagement
  • creativity and individual strengths
  • innovative thinking
  • neglecting essential disciplines
  • fundamental for basic education
  • well-rounded education
  • necessary tools to succeed
  • structured curriculum
  • educational standards and equality
  • foundational knowledge
  • explore their interests
  • essential knowledge
What to do next:
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