Some people feel that children should be able to choose the subjects they are interested in while others feel they should study the basic require subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The
phenonmenon
of spoon-fed Correct your spelling
phenomenon
education
or cramming education
has aroused wide concern around the globe. Whether children
have the right to choose what to learn or not has heat
the headline. Correct your spelling
hit
Te
advocates believe that learning should be based on Correct your spelling
The
children
's interest
. Fix the agreement mistake
interests
Otherwise
, education
would be stressing
and meaningless to Replace the word
stressful
children
. However
, those who stand on an entirely different ground proclaim that it is essential for children
to learn different kinds of subjects to ensure that they have basic knowledge in every aspect to fit in the
Correct article usage
apply
society
.
I am prone to support the idea that children
's interest
is the first priority. First of all, never should we overlook the tremendous stress that cramming education
has put on children
. A striking illustration is the tight schedules of students nowadays. Everyday
, their time is filled with tests and assignments, after school, they are forced to attend different tutorials and Replace the word
Every day
extra curricular
activities. These are all the "basic subjects" that parents expect their kids to Correct your spelling
extracurricular
be acquired
. Under Wrong verb form
acquire
this
mind of thinking, it is not difficult to understand why children
are experiencing stress and depression at a younger age nowadays. There is no doubt that learning outcome
would be maximized when it is fitting into Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
children
's interest
. When they Fix the agreement mistake
interests
could
learn what they Wrong verb form
can
wished
, they are more motivated and devoted Wrong verb form
wish
into
the activity. Meanwhile, the role of Change preposition
to
educator
and parents is to assist them Fix the agreement mistake
educators
to reach
their Change preposition
in reaching
goal
, but not suppress them and ask their Fix the agreement mistake
goals
children
to fulfill
their own desire and Change the spelling
fulfil
expectatios
.
Admittedly, Correct your spelling
expectations
expectation
children
should learn various essential skills
to meet the expectation
of Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
. Since children
are future pillars of the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, we do no
wish our kids to be aloof Correct your spelling
not
to
what is happening around us. Change preposition
from
Otherwise
, it would be a tragedy to
Change preposition
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
. However
, what i
meant by "Change the capitalization
I
esential
Correct your spelling
essential
skills
' should not be focused on examinnation
Correct your spelling
examination
skills
and test results. For example
, children
should learn about the
social issues and basic Correct article usage
apply
lfe
Correct your spelling
life
skills
from school. The purpose of required
subject should be Add an article
the required
a required
cultivate
our teenagers to be independent, critical, and caring. Under Fix the infinitive
to cultivate
this
mindset, we should let children
to understandthe
importance Correct your spelling
understand the
to learn
Change preposition
of learning
these knowledges
and arouse their Fix the agreement mistake
this knowledge
interest
towards these subjects.Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the introduction could be stronger by rephrasing the topic more clearly. Additionally, some phrases and sentences are a bit unclear in their meaning, which affects comprehension.
task achievement
Keep an eye on spelling and grammatical errors such as 'enthe', 'fillful', and 'expectatios'. These small mistakes can distract from the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to use smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your argumentation.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. For instance, mentioning specific types of extracurricular activities that add stress to students would make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Clarify some arguments in your paragraphs. For example, when you argue that 'essential skills' should not focus on examination skills, provide clearer reasoning and examples to strengthen the point.
task achievement
You have a clear and well-defined opinion on the topic, and you make an effort to support it with logical arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs and an attempt to introduce and conclude your ideas aptly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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