IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are moving to big cities these days. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of living in a large city

#people #cities #city
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In
this
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 modern world, it can be seen that a vast majority of youth are migrating to big cities. It is opined that most of the young generation are moving out of their houses in rural areas to find better options for educational facilities or work. In
this
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 essay, I will examine how the positive aspects outweigh the negative points. There are two main aspects of
this
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 relocation,
such
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 as a lack of prestigious universities and well-paying jobs in suburban areas.
Consequently
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, young
people
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 have to shift to urban places to get profitable work or numerous educative options.
For example
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, a recent study showed that adolescents who move out of their houses are more likely to get a good job three times than those who
stayed
Wrong verb form
stay
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 in the village. Turning to the other side of the argument, there are some demerits of the movement of young rural citizens to towns.
Firstly
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, it can lead to the under-utilization of suburban areas, which is
also
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 today's big issue. I mean the middle-aged dwellers in the countryside get older with the passage of time and there are fewer young
people
Use synonyms
 left to look after seniors if the process of young
people
Use synonyms
 leaving continues.
Furthermore
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, villages are probably deprived of many developments they can experience since many efficient
people
Use synonyms
 have left the area. In conclusion, the young generation
are
Change the verb form
is
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 willing to leave to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their career ambitions and achieve their academic goals, which cannot be done in their current living area. The opportunities they will find in metropolises definitely outweigh the negative impacts of migration.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
While the essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages as requested, it does feel somewhat imbalanced. Equal attention should be given to both perspectives to create a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid abrupt shifts in thought.
task achievement
Including more specific examples could bolster your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported, making the arguments understandable and persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cost of living
  • public transportation
  • pollution
  • congestion
  • social isolation
  • cultural amenities
  • job market
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • crime rate
What to do next:
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