IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar.

#money #oil #world #resources #sources #power #wind
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Many nations are spending huge sums of revenue searching for
oil
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 ,
furthermore
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 since fossil
fuel
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 reserves can dry out, it is more practical to invest in renewable energy
sources
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 like wind and solar .
This
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 essay completely agrees with the option of searching for alternate
sources
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 of
power
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 ,the main reason being the continuous availability and the next is reduced environmental impacts.
Firstly
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 ,
oil
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 is a fossil
fuel
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 , and the resources can get depleted over the years, Since
oil
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 is a valuable commodity , nations are pumping revenue to find new origins for it . There are so many abandoned
oil
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 wells all over the Middle Eastern countries . The point to be realised is that , is it viable to spend enormous amounts of money again on depletable
sources
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 of
power
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 .
Instead
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, why can’t they use the funds to develop other forms of
power
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 where there is no fear of draining the source?
Moreover
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 , the process of extracting and separating the by-products from crude
oil
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 is making a very negative impact on the environment ,
in addition
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, the end products of
oil
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 combustion are
also
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 harmful to the environment .
Whereas
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,
while
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 producing and using renewable
sources
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 of energy, the hazards to the environment are minimal compared to that of fossil
fuel
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 .
As a result
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 , many countries have already started producing and utilising renewable
power
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 supplies with very minimal effect on eco-systems
To conclude
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, since the fossil
fuel
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 reserves are depleting , it will be more viable to invest in the production of new renewable supply of
power
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 which are more nature friendly.
Submitted by drcamt on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the relevance and strength of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using commas unnecessarily and make sure to structure sentences properly to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well.
task achievement
You effectively address the topic, providing clear and comprehensive ideas about the need to invest in renewable energy sources.
coherence cohesion
The points are logically structured and flow well from one to the next, contributing to overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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