Many people today are worried about "cybercrime" such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does "cybercrime" cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?
Cybercrime is an important problem connected with stealing personal
data
and passwords, that
makes a lot of Correct pronoun usage
which
people
feel unsafe and leads to a number of negative consequences. This
essay will explore the main problems caused by this
trend and discuss the possible solutions.
To begin
with, as personal information gives criminals lots of opportunities, they have Correct article usage
the possibilities
possibilities
to act on behalf of their victims. Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
For example
, bank account password
and credit card details can be illegally used in order to get somebody’s money. Unfortunately, Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
such
crimes are rather overspread nowadays. Secondly
, it can also
lead to leakage of some confidential information, so businesses may suffer from huge financial and customers
losses. Change the noun form
customer
For instance
, databases of clients and important contracts can be sold on special platforms like Darknet and used by competitive companies.
Solutions of
these problems are using complicated passwords and two-level authentication in social media and bank applications. Change preposition
to
This
is one of the best ways for people
to protect their data
from strangers. We should also
remember not to give any important details about our credit cards anyone
except for bank representatives and only in Change preposition
to anyone
a specialized organizations
. Correct the article-noun agreement
specialized organizations
a specialized organization
Furthermore
, taking into consideration a
large number of Correct article usage
the
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
suffering from different kinds of scam
it would be a good idea for governmental organizations to implement special seminars and print brochures providing information on how to behave Fix the agreement mistake
scams
in
the internet to stay safe. As for entrepreneurs, it is crucial to have a special position in the office for a person in charge Change preposition
on
for
cybersecurity. Change preposition
of
Moreover
, some big companies have special IT departments.
In conclusion, the most common consequences of cybercrime are financial losses and leakage of confidential data
, which can be avoided by paying more attention to internet safety measures, such
as two-level authentication, providing special lectures on internet security for senior people
and hiring employees responsible for data
protection.Submitted by dulskywork on
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task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the topic, it can be improved by providing more detailed and nuanced examples. For instance, you could explain how certain cybercrimes specifically impact various sectors, or how these crimes can affect individuals in different ways. Including statistics might also strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows relatively well, but transitions between paragraphs and ideas can be made smoother. Additionally, try to make sure that each paragraph clearly supports the central claim of the essay. Adding transitional words like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'however' can aid in the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
language
Some grammar and vocabulary improvements are needed. For example, instead of 'crimes are rather overspread nowadays,' you can say 'such crimes are quite prevalent nowadays.'. Ensure the subject and verb agreement are consistent, and vary your sentence structure to make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both the problems and solutions related to cybercrime, making it a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, giving a clear sense of the essay's focus from the beginning and summarizing the main points effectively at the end.
task achievement
You use relevant and specific examples which make the essay more informative and engaging. For instance, mentioning the Darknet as a platform for illegal activities adds credibility to your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example