IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crimes and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

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In
this
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 modern era, the steady rise in criminal activity has become a matter of serious concern in many countries. In my opinion,
this
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 trend is primarily caused by unemployment and social inequality, and it can be effectively addressed through better educational opportunities and stronger government support for disadvantaged individuals.
To begin
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 with, one of the principal causes of
crime
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 is the lack of stable employment. When individuals are unable to earn a sufficient income, they may resort to illegal activities to meet their basic needs.
In addition
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, widening social inequality can create frustration and resentment among those who feel excluded from economic opportunities. In my own experience, some people in financially deprived neighbourhoods turned to theft after struggling to find legitimate work.
This
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 demonstrates that criminal behaviour is often rooted in economic hardship and limited prospects.
Nevertheless
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, several effective measures can be implemented to prevent
this
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 rise in
crime
Use synonyms
. Governments should invest in education and vocational training so that people can acquire practical skills and improve their employment prospects.
For example
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, job-training programs have helped many young adults secure stable work and avoid criminal behaviour.
Furthermore
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, financial assistance and counselling services can provide vulnerable individuals with the support they need to make lawful choices.
Consequently
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, a combination of economic opportunity and social support represents the most effective strategy for reducing
crime
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. In conclusion, the increasing
crime
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 rate is largely caused by unemployment and social inequality.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be significantly reduced through improved access to education, vocational training, and targeted government assistance. By adopting these measures, societies can address the root causes of
crime
Use synonyms
 and create safer communities for future generations.

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task response
Add one more real or clear example to make your idea stronger.
task response
You answer both parts well, but you can explain the causes a bit more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are clear and easy to follow. To make them even better, link one idea to the next more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs are well built, but you can make support for each main point a little fuller.
task response
You answer all parts of the question clearly.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are in a logical order and are easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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