Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents

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In modern society, there is an ongoing debate about whether parents should choose

leisure

time

activities

for their

children

or not, with some

people

believing that

children

have to choose their own free

time

activities

. In

this

essay, I will argue and explain my opinion about

this

topic. On the one hand, there are two reasons to choose

activities

by parents.

Firstly

, most

children

spend meaningless

time

in their free

time

such

as playing video games and watching TV programs on TV or mobile devices.

Furthermore

, young

people

are exposed to a huge amount of violent information and videos through these

activities

. For these reasons, countless adults favour preparing free

time

activities

for their

children

, which are studies and education.

Moreover

, numerous

children

have the benefit of great academic grades through educational

activities

in their

leisure

time

For example

according to

the National Statistics Office, most students have increased by 30% of academic

performances

Fix the agreement mistake

performance

show examples

since they studied in their free

time

On the other hand

, having free

time

exerts a positive effect on

people

's mental and physical health.

Also

, many students have outdoor

activities

in their

leisure

time

in order to resolve stress because they get stressed at school.

As a result

, all young

people

should be free to choose what they want to do in their free

time

Additionally

, by having what they want to do,

children

may realise what they are

interestedin

Correct your spelling

interested in

For instance

, all famous artists in the world look for their interests through free

time

activities

. In my opinion, there are some advantages and disadvantages.

However

it is clear that

being free to choose their

activities

helps them to look for their interests and potential. In conclusion,

while

it is undeniable that free

time

activities

that parents organise are beneficial, it is apparent that

leisure

time

activities

that

children

choose by themselves have a more positive influence on their health and dreams.

Submitted by garim4645 on Fri Jul 26 2024

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task achievement

The essay would benefit from more specific, detailed examples to clearly support the main points. Try to include concrete scenarios or studies that illustrate your points more vividly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the logical flow of arguments. Some sections may appear abrupt or disconnected. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader.

coherence cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion are present, effectively framing the essay and reiterating the main argument.

task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion which is essential for task response.

task achievement

Language is generally clear and understandable, making the ideas easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

316 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

balanced development
expose children to
tailored activities
promote discipline
foster independence
genuine interests
free play
problem-solving skills
emotional well-being
unstructured time
personal exploration
structured activities

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Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

‏In some cultures, childrens are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message