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Writing Samples /
Band 4

the plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by slecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The figure
illustrastes
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illustrates
 the changes that
has
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have
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occured
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occurred
 to Grange
park
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Park
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 which was first opened
at
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in
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 1920 until now. It is evident from the plans that the
overall
 features of the
park
has
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have
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 varied during these years. In total, the
park
 had only two entrances at
the
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apply
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Arnold
avenue
Capitalize word
Avenue
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 and across
the
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apply
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Eldon
street
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Street
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. on the left and right
side
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sides
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 of the first
entrance
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entrance,
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 there were rose
gradens
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gardens
grades
,
while
 a glasshouse
were
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was
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also
 constructed
in
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on
show examples
 the right side of the second
entrance
. Some seats
where
Correct your spelling
were
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also
 placed around the
park
 for the
vistiters
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visitors
convenient
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convenience
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.
Moreover
, there is a fountain and a stage for musical performances in the
center
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centre
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. It can be indicated that the
park
 has changed significantly. in the new
plan
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plan,
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 another
entrance
 can be seen which
alomst
Correct your spelling
almost
 near the water features added next to
Correct article usage
the eldon
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eldon street
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Eldon Street
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entrance
.
Next,
fountain
Add an article
the fountain
a fountain
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 was replaced by a large garden filled with roses and surrounded by seats.
Also
, the stage has developed
to
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into
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 an
amphitheater
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amphitheatre
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 for concerts.
Further
,
a
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apply
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children
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children's
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 play
erea
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area
 and a cafe
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 built on the top right side of the
park
. In conclusion, the
park
 has gone through so many changes and a lot of different features and facilities were added.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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grammar
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. For example, "has occurred" should be "have occurred" and "at 1920" should be "in 1920." Utilizing correct grammar will enhance clarity and coherence.
grammar
Some sentences are fragmented or lack a clear subject. For example, "on the left and right side of the first entrance there were rose gardens" could be rephrased to "There were rose gardens on both the left and right side of the first entrance." Proper sentence structure will make your essay more fluid.
cohesion
Your essay could benefit from greater use of cohesive devices to clearly link ideas and sections. For instance, phrases like 'In contrast', 'Furthermore', and 'As a result' can improve the flow between comparisons and contrasting points.
introduction
Your introduction is effective as it clearly states the purpose of the essay and introduces the time frame of the comparison.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the changes and provides a general overview of the transformations that occurred in the park.
task response
You included a variety of details and specific information from the diagrams, which demonstrates a strong level of engagement with the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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