IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
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In recent studies, it has shown that a huge number of international students prefer to
study
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 in another city or country.
This
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 is
due to
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 a lot of reasons and benefits a
student
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 can gain
while
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 studying
elsewhere
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.
For example
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, they
study
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elsewhere
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 to adapt to a different change in environment, making them more flexible and can easily adapt
in
Change preposition
to
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 other environments in the future. Another benefit of the
student
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 living away from home is to meet new people from all around the world, make new friends, learn new cultures etc. There
maybe
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may be
show examples
 many reasons
as to
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apply
show examples
why a
student
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 would prefer to
study
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elsewhere
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, maybe he/she
isnt
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isn't
 content with the environment where they
were
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are
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 staying or
needed
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needs
show examples
 a different view on life outside the city they stay in. Of
course
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course,
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 there could
also
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 be reasons like improper university facilities or unsafe
enviornment
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environment
 which
makes
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make
show examples
 a
student
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 prefer to
study
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elsewhere
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 rather than
thier
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their
 hometown.
This
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 brings a sense of independence and
responsibilty
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responsibility
 to a
sudent
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student
 who studies university
elsewhere
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, making them more responsible with their work and work efficiently. A
student
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 may
also
Linking Words
 be content living alone rather than with the family
due to
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 personal matters in their lives, giving them a sense of freedom studying in another city. Many students
perfer
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prefer
lookig
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looking
 for universities in places where they could land a stable internship or job. So yes, there are a lot of
beneifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of living away from home during university which
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages, as it helps the
student
Use synonyms
 be independent and
self reliant
Add a hyphen
self-reliant
show examples
.
Submitted by preethiwilliams75 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay would benefit from a stronger conclusion to clearly sum up the arguments and reiterate the main point. Always ensure your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
relevant specific examples
Try to provide more concrete examples to make your arguments stronger. Specific instances or anecdotes can help illustrate your points better.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The arguments about the benefits of living away from home are relevant and cover various aspects such as adaptability, independence, and exposure to new cultures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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