IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
In recent studies, it has shown that a huge number of international students prefer to
study
 in another city or country.
This
 is
due to
 a lot of reasons and benefits a
student
 can gain
while
 studying
elsewhere
.
For example
, they
study
elsewhere
 to adapt to a different change in environment, making them more flexible and can easily adapt
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other environments in the future. Another benefit of the
student
 living away from home is to meet new people from all around the world, make new friends, learn new cultures etc. There
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 many reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why a
student
 would prefer to
study
elsewhere
, maybe he/she
isnt
Correct your spelling
isn't
 content with the environment where they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 staying or
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 a different view on life outside the city they stay in. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 there could
also
 be reasons like improper university facilities or unsafe
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 a
student
 prefer to
study
elsewhere
 rather than
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 hometown.
This
 brings a sense of independence and
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to a
sudent
Correct your spelling
student
 who studies university
elsewhere
, making them more responsible with their work and work efficiently. A
student
 may
also
 be content living alone rather than with the family
due to
 personal matters in their lives, giving them a sense of freedom studying in another city. Many students
perfer
Correct your spelling
prefer
lookig
Correct your spelling
looking
 for universities in places where they could land a stable internship or job. So yes, there are a lot of
beneifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of living away from home during university which
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages, as it helps the
student
 be independent and
self reliant
Add a hyphen
self-reliant
show examples
.
Submitted by preethiwilliams75 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
The essay would benefit from a stronger conclusion to clearly sum up the arguments and reiterate the main point. Always ensure your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
relevant specific examples
Try to provide more concrete examples to make your arguments stronger. Specific instances or anecdotes can help illustrate your points better.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
The arguments about the benefits of living away from home are relevant and cover various aspects such as adaptability, independence, and exposure to new cultures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: