IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as parks and squares, Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #spaces #parks #squares
As urban
areas
 are full
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 apartments and buildings, it is important to have
parks
 and
squares
 in
such
places
 to let
people
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 and I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement fully.
People
 need green
areas
 for their recreation,
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
 and their pets. First of all, most of the
people
 in urban
areas
 are professionals.
As a result
, they go
offices
Change preposition
to offices
show examples
 daily basis. It is very hard to keep themselves healthy unless they walk or do some physical
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
.
For example
, it is pretty regular that after
offices
Fix the agreement mistake
office
show examples
, they tend to go to
parks
 and
squares
 for a walk and gatherings.
Moreover
, at the
weeked
Correct your spelling
weekend
,
people
 visit
such
places
 all day with their children and pets.
Secondly
,
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
 children need spaces to play and get
together with
 neighbours in the evening time. It is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it helps them to be more
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialised
show examples
. Some
people
 believe that children can learn cooperation from their neighbourhood if they get chances to play together.
In addition
 to that, they get a sense
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
 neighbour needs to work together and support each other.
Last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least, there are local businesses that can run around
parks
 and
squares
.
Therefore
, it helps locals to earn
moneys
Fix the agreement mistake
money
show examples
 and contribute to their family and to the country.
However
, in urban
areas
, lands are very expensive. And there is a high demand for flats and other large buildings.
Hence
, it is very hard, nowadays, to leave some area for the
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
Also
,
parks
 and
squares
 should not be polluted and crowded. But because of the nature of cities, it is hardly possible to keep
such
places
 green and
dust free
Add a hyphen
dust-free
show examples
.
For
this
 reason, some
people
 argue that
this
 type of
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 should be out of the city and should be more clean.
While
 I believe that we need
pollution free
Add a hyphen
pollution-free
show examples
 clean
parks
 and
squares
, I totally agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement that it is really important for cities and towns to have
such
places
 for recreation,
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and get together.
Submitted by niloyirtisam on

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coherence cohesion
In order to improve coherence and cohesion, it's crucial to ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next. This can be achieved by using more transitional phrases and linking words.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating a strong introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your stance, and the conclusion should summarize your main points and reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and details. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Work on clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas. Ensure that each point is fully explained and explore the implications and benefits in more detail.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt directly and provides a complete response, agreeing with the importance of public spaces in urban areas.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples and explanations, such as the need for exercise spaces and the benefits for children and local businesses.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure to the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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